oh missy me..

cuddled up.

2012-01-27T13:36:00.000-07:00

last night, after going to visit my twin for her little boys birthday, cute guy and i came home and did something we haven't done in a long time. we cuddled on the couch. mia was curled up on one of her blankets at our feet, the tv was going in the background and i had my head on his chest. within minutes i was fast asleep.

with everything that has been going on for the past month or so, my stress levels and health haven't been the best. normally when i'm not feeling good i want nothing more than to cuddle up and be held. this time around? i just want to curl up in a ball and wish all the pain and stress would go away.

i go into the doctor again for the third time in three months to have a consultation on a few things. i have to admit i'm a bit nervous. i seriously have no idea what is going on with my body and on my first visit, all of my blood work came back perfectly normal. and the answer is no for those of you who are going to guess/think i'm pregnant. hopefully today i'll get some answers or at least some appointments set up to find out what the answers i'm looking for are.

i have to say that webmd.com is the worst website ever. you put in your symptoms and before you know it you are stage four ______ cancer. all your symptoms lead up to it, it has to be that! cute guy got mad at me yesterday for looking at webmd and told me to get off the website. which i did, not necessarily because he told me to, but because i knew i would only continue to freak myself out. sometimes i tend to over think things. i know right, you would never guess that i do that...

i've kind of digressed but my point is that there is nothing that makes me happier than those few precious minutes i get with my man curled up on the couch and falling asleep in his arms. i'm so lucky to have someone who loves me for me, listens to me and adores me. plus he loves to hold me close which is a perk since i love it too.

if i find anything out at the doctor today, i'll give more details. if not you'll just have to sit in suspense on what is going on unless i've already told you. do me a favor and try to remember the small things in life that truly make you happy. it's not the clothes, the cars, the designer anything. it's the smiles, laughs, hugs, kisses and memories that make life worth while.

i love you. i really do. have a wonderful weekend my dears.

ps yesterday i was trying to publish comments and accidently removed content for 50 blog comments.... i didn't delete on purpose i promise. please forgive me.

it's still a new year.

2012-01-26T15:34:00.001-07:00

i was talking with a blogger friend the other day about how we focus on our new years goals and that the only time we really think of it being a new year, is at the new year. the entire year is a new year. you make the year what you want it to be. you either fight for the things you want most, hide by the wayside while letting others take what they don't deserve from you or just fly by the seat of your pants, letting the new year take you where ever you need to be.

yesterday i received this picture in an email from a co-worker.

via

to me this has a lot of meaning. not only because i went through a shit ton last year, but because there are times in my life where it sucks bad, but the less i think about it, the more i enjoy my life and let the positive things soak in. i really wish more people would focus on this instead of all the crap that is going on in their lives. not only will it make your life better, it will make everyone around you find you much more enjoyable.

then today, i found this one on one of my favorite bloggers posts.

via

like i said, you make your year what you want it to be. i love this because not only is the painting beautiful, but the words are saying exactly what i'm trying to say. i've said this multiple times, but you are stronger than you think you are. you are braver than you realize. you are more loved than you may sometimes feel. stop feeling the pity, even though i know it's hard, man up and enjoy the beauty that is around you. make a happy list, go for a walk and listen to the wind blow through the trees, sit inside a bookstore with a cup of coffee and read a new book, spend time with an old friend you haven't seen in a while or sit on your couch, turn on an old favorite and just relax.

i've talked about the rough patches i've gone through before and the only reason i'm posting this with the force i am is because I KNOW. i've been there. i've felt the pain. i've been the one that said "wo is me." i've been so depressed i couldn't get out of bed. i've been antisocial because i knew my attitude would bring everyone else down. you know what i learned from all that? i let the negative in life ruin opportunities that would have helped build me up, that would have made me better.

i am fortunate in the fact that i had an amazing support system while going through what i was. now i've learned from those experiences and manned up. even on the days i'm struggling to get out of bed, don't want to get ready or even want to put a smile on my face, i realize that the smallest thing may affect my day, or someone elses.

i will be fierce this year. not only because of everything i went through over the last two years, but because i know what i want out of life and i will be fierce enough to go after my dreams.

what will you do with your new year? will it be just a january moment or will you look at two thousand twelve as an entire new year? january through december? the choice is yours. make the best out of what you have and try to make it even better. i know you can do it.

where i find out my boyfriend has special powers.

2012-01-25T14:57:00.000-07:00

tonight we are going to get a couples massage. i am absolutely against drinking water unless i absolutely have too. i drink my diet pepsi all day and at night, unless i have a beer or a glass of wine. water is the last thing on my mind. please enjoy the comical conversation in which i find that my boyfriend has special powers.

cute guy says: illlooooovveee you toooooo! babe iforgot some chocolate! oh no

missy. says: oh no! good thing you're going home soon

cute guy says: you needto drink some water my love. yes yes

missy. says: yuck. i'll pray about it

cute guy says: baby...especiallyafter the massage! the holyghost is on my side.

missy. says: i don't believe it

cute guy says: its afact. itsscience

missy. says: prove it

cute guy says: its inthe book of scimassagability. just gowith it. its goingto release some bad toxins and only way to get them out is with lots o water.not pepsi haha

missy. says: i'll pick up a water on my way home

cute guy says: ohgirlfriend

missy. says: just love me

cute guy says: well ido. and the water does too, so thats why you shall drink it.

missy. says: you're pulling that card on me huh

cute guy says: "thoushalt drinketh the water that cute guy bringeth too-eth thy g.f."

missy. says: oh my love

cute guy says: that wasa good one! im funny. it was 11commandments but one was dropped. well that was the one he dropped.

missy. says: really? and how would you know this?

cute guy says: the holyghost just confirmed it unto me. its justscience babe

missy. says: i'm so lucky to be with someone withsuch powerful knowledge

cute guy says: right?! thats whymomma j likes me.

missy. says: so true

how ever did i get so lucky to have a boyfriend with this much knowledge on the supposed eleven commandments and drinking water? i guess if i want my soul to be saved i best start drinking some water.

also, can't help but share this adorable picture we snapped last night. i love my little family, and i love your faces.

happy hump day!

TTUT - for the ladies.

2012-01-24T08:34:00.001-07:00

tuesday means talk to us tuesday with my lover impulsive addict and the gorgeous seriously shawn. no rules, just link up and play along. it is the best meme out there, trust me.

i got into work this moring and received this email (so i'm not sure where the pictures came from, if you know where i can give credit to them i will add it) from one of my besties, kelsey, and thought this would be the perfect thing to share with all of you today. please enjoy.

while the c-5 was turning over its engines, a female crewman gave the g.i.s on board the usual information regarding seat belts, emergency exits, etc.

finally, she said, 'now sit back and enjoy your trip while your captain, judith campbell, and crew take you safely to afghanistan '

an old master sergeant sitting in the eighth row thought to himself, 'did i hear her right? is the captain a woman? '

when the attendant came by he said 'did i understand you right? is the captain a woman?'

'yes,' said the attendant, 'in fact, this entire crew is female.'

'my god,' he said, 'i wish i had two double scotch and sodas. i don't know what to think with only women up there in the cockpit.'

'that's another thing, sergeant,' said the crew member, 'we no longer call it the cockpit. it's the box office.'

quoteof the day:

'whateveryou give a woman, she will make greater. if you give her sperm,she'll give you a baby. if you give her a house, she'll give you ahome. if you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. if you give her asmile, she'll give you her heart. she multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. so, if you give her anycrap, be ready to receive a ton of shit.'

womenare angelsand when someone breaks our wings,we simply continue to fly...usually on a broomstick.we are flexible like that.

hope you all enjoyed this as much as i did. have a wonderful day my loves and remember, you are more powerful and stronger than you may think. love your faces.

i don't want the whole world.

2012-01-23T12:51:00.000-07:00

last week, something unexpected and almost frightening happened to my life. my twin has had an abscess tooth and has been avoiding the dentist like the plague for the last few months. when she woke up on wednesday morning, the side of her face was swollen so bad she couldn't open her eye. she went into the dentist later that day for anti-biotics, pain killers and to set up an appointment to get the tooth pulled. the next day, her face almost doubled in size due to the infection not having anywhere to go. she had to go the er twice that day, per her dentist recommendation, get an iv put in and have blood tested.

i immediately worked it out with my work that i needed to leave early thursday and would work from home on friday. i picked up her two kids and brought them home with me. no wasn't even an option in this circumstance. the last thing my best friend, the person who means the absolute world to me, besides cute guy and my family, was to worry and stress about her kids while going through this extreme pain.

friday morning she went back into the er for her third visit (and i'm sure many of you know that a co-pay for the er isn't cheap) the receptionist looked at my twin and her husband and said, "hunny, i'm tired of charging your these co-pays. you mind if i steal your husband for a little bit?" she took husband behind her desk and found my twin an oral surgeon that is in their insurance coverage and within 20 minutes she was in surgery to get her tooth pulled. this woman, not realizing what her kindness meant, saved my twin from major pain for another four days, a ton of money and showed not only her, but myself, that there are still good people in this world. she went above and beyond her job to help someone in need.

my twin wouldn't stop thanking me for taking the kids. she kept telling me that i could bring them home anytime because she didn't want to put me out. and let me tell you, when you have a friendship, love and bond like we do, there is no way on this earth doing something for someone you love is putting you out. taking her kids for the two days we did was worth every minute. i was able to have one on one with my little ones, watch their imaginations at work while coloring pictures for me and them to play with. to see what it's like to be a stay at home mom and teach me another dose of humility and selflessness. i was able to give my twin the peace of mind, time to recover and just relax which is exactly what she needed to do.

i don't think there are very many words i could use to describe the relationship between my twin and me. even though i have cute guy, she is my rock. the first two people i tell everything too. i would have a huge part of my heart missing if anything were to happen to her, or our friendship. i'm just so unbelievably grateful that she was able to get the infection taken care of, the tooth pulled and is now no longer in danger of the infection to continue spreading. it was on it's way to the brain and half way down her throat (from the ct scan she had to have as well). abscess teeth kill if not taken care. but she is safe. she has it under control and those two days of us having the kids, were honestly amazing.

i can say for a fact i'm cured of any baby hunger for the next five plus years for sure but i would take those kids anytime, whether or not it fit into my schedule. i would make it work. she is the sister i've never had, the mother i sometimes need and the best friend i could ever ask for. she is my twin and i absolutely adore her.

twin - thank you for getting this taken care of, getting better and trusting me and cute guy enough to watch over your precious little ones while you rested. i've never had a friend like you and i never plan on you leaving. we will be the old ladies drinking our morning coffee, or mimosas, laughing at the little ones thinking, "oh they have so much to learn." thank you for all you do. thank you for always being there, in the good and the bad. thank you for loving me exactly for who i am and not asking me to change. you are the best example of what a best friend should be.

to my work - thank you, thank you, thank you for being so unbelievably understanding during this time of family emergency. while my twin may not be blood, she is my family, my emergency contact and if there were some way to make us blood related, i would. thank you for letting me work from home and giving me the flexibility to make up my hours when needed. i couldn't ask for a better job, bosses and co-workers within my department. my gratitude is on going and hopefully you all know this.

to cute guy and mia - thank you for having patience while we had the kids. thank you for cuddling up on the couch and watching transformers because that is what b loves to watch. thank you for letting the kids hold you like a toy and play with you from dawn until dusk. the absolutely adore the both of you and love you so much. it showed me that you would do absolutely anything for not only me, but for my family as well. i love you.

i don't want the whole world, i only want, and need, the small things in life that matter most to me. my family, friends, cute guy and mia to have health, strength and patience. for laughter and love, even in the dark moments. to remember what our relationships mean and how not to abuse or use them. that is all i could ask for and i thank God for giving me exactly that. i've been so blessed and lucky, i sometimes feel as though i don't deserve it. then i remember, i am a good person and i deserve exactly what i have.

"and their shape and their hair and their eyes and their smell and their voice. that suddenly, these things can exist and you're not quite sure how they existed without you knowing about them before"

i wrote this for you, the book

page 13

we found love.

2012-01-18T13:59:00.000-07:00

i have a lot of work to get done today, and after a major vent sesh with one of my bosses, i'm feeling much better. trust me, you don't want to catch me when i'm in my bitch full swing mood. no good. my censor and better judgement for other peoples feelings kinda go out the window... whoops. anyway, i wanted to do a short sweet simple post today since the last few posts have been ridiculously long and over board. even though they were needed for my sanity, i thank you for reading and commenting. you all are amazing.

so for your viewing pleasure, i give you my week with mia.

playing with her teething bone. i love her little ears

curled up in her little blanket, look at that floppy ear and fluff. she melts my heart

heading to do laundry at twins house and she curled right up and passed out

making friends with daisy, who know thinks she is mia's mother

our first bath together, needless to say she did not like it

being traumatized that we not only gave her a bath but blow dried her, she looked like a fluff ball, and now she is curled up and wouldn't move from cute guys side. poor mia.

she definitely has little dog syndrome. she is carrying her rope toy all by her little less than a pound self.

playing with her rice bag toy that is the size of two of her

tuckered out and curled up with mama, i don't get these moments often since she normally chooses cute guy. just love her.

she apparently cant get enough of her toys while she is awake so she has to have then next her as she sleeps. spoiled little one.

playing with cute guy, she is so sweet and playful, you just can't help but love her

we found love in this little pup and she brings so much joy, laughter and craziness to our lives. we couldn't imagine life without her and she is the perfect birth control. just say'n.

i hope you all have a wonderful hump day!

TTUT - let the whole world know, you belong to me.

2012-01-17T17:11:00.000-07:00

it's tuesday, which means that it's time to link up with my lover impulsive addict and the gorgeous seriously shawn for talk to us tuesday. no rules, just talk about whatever you want and link up with either of these fabulous ladies.

there are a few things that i live by. honesty, loyalty and learning from your mistakes. i went through a really bad phase last year. and when i say bad, i mean bad. i was a borderline alcoholic, a whiny mess and couldn't really function properly. emotionally up and down, never completely satisfied with my life. it was bad.

sometimes i reflect on those six months where i went through my really bad phase and trying to pick up the pieces after going through it.

i have always believed everything happens for a reason. people come into your life, even if it's just for a day, because you needed them too. you had something to learn from them or they had something to learn from you. i believe that boyfriend [an ex, not cute guy] showed me that i need to be with someone who is accepting, not controlling. someone who is understanding not judgemental. someone who won't fight with me when i'm extremely emotional and not understanding it. someone who needs me just as much as i need them. someone who wants to be with me, not someone who feels like they have to be.

i have a permanent scar on my thigh as a constant reminder of that dreadful day/night. i have a saying that i want tattooed next to it, or over it. even though it is a big scar, and sometimes i wish i didn't have it, i'm unbelievably grateful i do have it. if it weren't for what happened that night, who knows where my life would be right now. i would probably still be in a terrible relationship that i was pretending was wonderful. you never know and it isn't worth the time to think of the "what if's"

i've made mistakes and learned from them. sometimes i'll even make the same mistake twice because i didn't learn the right lesson the first time. i have a list of things i learned from those six months and the only thing that is really important or even worth sharing is that i'm happy. not because that is what everyone else is telling me, i am genuinely happy. i met my cute guy at the right time, and in the right place. he has helped me grow, become strong and help me be better when i am becoming weak. he listens when i need to vent, holds me when i need support and loves me unconditionally. if it wouldn't have been for boyfriend, i may have never met cute guy or had the opportunity to know him the way i do.

so boyfriend, even though you were a toxin in my life, you were also a blessing. thank you for the good times, and the bad. thank you for showing me what i needed to fix in my life and where i needed to be. without you and i ending, i may have gotten worse. i'm healthy, living life the right way and with the right person.

if you have been through this, you know what i'm talking about. if you are still picking up the pieces, don't worry. that guy is right around the corner. when you're ready for him, he'll be there. just like mine was where i needed him to be when i needed him to be there. with that said, i am going to end this sappy, yet vent sesh post, with a few words to my man.

cute guy, i love you. thank you for all you do. thank you for loving my friends and their kids. thank you for being so amazing with mia and helping me take care of her. thank you for the kisses before you leave for work in the morning and the all day conversations we have. thank you for loving me for who i am. i love you more.

this too shall pass, part two.

2012-01-16T14:21:00.000-07:00

i already have a blog post titled this too shall pass, but it is fitting to my current circumstances so i'm naming this part two. even though the first one is showing a tattoo i love, and recently got myself.

october 22 2011

i have to first thank everyone who commented on my last post. i never thought i would get the response that i did and i appreciate it so much. sometimes we can't control things and the only thing we can do is be the person we know how to be and continue to try to better ourselves.

for the past week it seems like shit has been hitting the fan. drama is popping up left and right and people are spreading rumors. somehow i'm getting dragged into all of this without even saying a word. the frustration and anger i feel also comes along with hurt and betrayal. my friends mean the absolute world to me and i do not tolerate someone talking bad about them. period, end of story. this means ALL of my friends. am i guilty of accusing one of my friends for starting drama she didn't start? yes. when you are in the heat of the moment, sometimes things get out of control. i learned my lesson and will never do something like that again.

something i tend forget, is that when you are at work, you aren't here to make best friends. even if some of the people who you work with were friends outside of work. you aren't there to make life long friendships who will turn into god parents for your children or the maid of honor at your wedding. they are your colleagues. they need to be left at that. some how i always forget this and try my very best to be nice and social, since sometimes i can come off irritable and bitchy. well my friends, lesson has been learned for the second time in two years. let's hope this time it sticks.

i'm trying to remember the very saying that i have tattooed to my shoulder. this too shall pass. there is nothing that we are given in this world that we aren't meant, or able, to handle. we have the strength in us, even if we don't know it or can't find it, it's there. it will help us keep moving forward and onto better things. regardless of the betrayal and hurt i'm feeling, i will keep moving forward. i'm young, i work hard and i have a great boss (technically two of them) who have my back regardless of whatever is going on. for that i'm unbelievably grateful.

my pops recently turned fifty. growing up, he taught me some very valuable values and traits that have been sunk into my very being and i will never forget them. he is extremely wise, smart and a business mogul. he is my hero.

- if someone else's name is attached to whatever you're doing, you do the very best you can to make sure that your work, money, time and effort is accomplished and taken care of so that their name, and yours, isn't dragged in the mud.

- you are always honest with your dealings and fellow men. karma is a bitch and it may take years for it to sneak up on you, but it will come back to you.

- when you're at work, you do the very best you can. you excel. you learn quickly. you ask questions when you don't understand. you move forward and find opportunities that will let you grow within the company.

- you don't treat anyone badly. you burn a bridge with someone and it could affect a job opportunity, dating/marrying someone or even cause issues within your little community.

the list can go on and on. i have learned a lot over the past few years. more so than a lot of people at my age. my mom read an article with this big guru who was being interviewed and someone asked him if he could sum up life if five words or less. you know what his answer was?

this too shall pass.

and you know what? it will. i've been through worse, i've been through less. i've been content and i've wanted more. i've been well off and i've lived paycheck to paycheck. i've been jobless and i've had some of the most amazing job opportunities anyone could ask for. with that said, i wanted to make a little happy list for monday to start my week off better than my morning did.

- mia, for her unconditional love to me and cute guy. her fast learning and extremely sweet personality.

teething, so much fun with a pup.

curled up on cute guy's legs letting us know she is ready to cuddle up and sleep

chewing on her paw while cuddled up with me

- cute guy, for the love he shows me even when i'm ornery and frustrated when i don't even know why.

- coffee in the mornings to warm my soul.

via

- cuddling up on the couch watching our favorite tv shows and movies, with mia right next to us.

cute guy on the left and i'm on the right, she is smack dab in the middle.

- my twin and her husband, two people i can trust and love knowing they won't let me down. bringing laughter, love and family into my life.

- my parents, siblings and nephew, for their love, laughter and joy.

we may not be perfect, we may have our troubles, but we are family and we will never give up on each other.

- top of the world by dixie chicks (remake), it uplifts my soul.

- my heater at work, because it keeps my little body warm while it is blizzarding outside.

- a good cocktail, or beer, after work to relax the nerves.

both img via

- cooking dinner and feeling a sense of accomplishment.

always need a good wine with pasta

- the job i have, even with it's ups and downs lately, has taught me humility, more skills i didn't know i had and the ability to build relationships with people i will probably never meet in person.

my not decorated desk, please don't judge. i'm working on it.

you have no idea how much i love my printer/scanner. it is my life saver. oh and those binders? i get to go through them, on top of the ones below. it's a wonderful monotonous job that gives me plenty of alone time.

this gives you a little look into what my day consists of. filing, updating information and building/rebuilding relationships with hospitals.

- my new boots that cute guy got me for christmas. they keep my feet nice and warm and absolutely comfortable.

the brown boots are born and the grey boots, which cute guy bought me are naughty monkey knee highs both boots purchased at nordstrom rack

- cute guys family coming to visit us at our apartment and for his dad to call me an absolute jewel. small things like that make everything worth while.

no pictures available at this time.. working on it.

-making lists of things that make me happy, because it does lift up your mood.

nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent - eleanor roosevelt. such an infamous quote and today no one is going to bring me down. i am going to work hard, go home to my pup and my man and enjoy the little family we have started. i will enjoy the freedom i have in my country and the ability to chose what i will and won't do. i will be thankful for the apartment we are living in, even though it's small, because it keeps us warm. i will curl up with cute guy and feel the love radiate off of him into me.

my life does not suck. my life is wonderful. there will always be bumps in the roads and i will be just fine.

this too shall pass.

all in the family.

2012-01-11T11:19:00.000-07:00

i had a very interesting phone conversation with momma j last night. i want to start off this post by saying that i'm pms'ing and the bitchiness is at a high level that i cannot control. the tears are on and off whenever they feel like it and i'm ready to kill if i have too. scary the things we do when we are enjoying that special time of month. if you don't want to read a vent sesh, then please skip this post.

so, let's begin.

my grandma, on my moms side, wrote me an email and sent it to momma j. on monday, at pops birthday party, she gave it to me. when we got home, i sat down and read the email. if you've been following me for a while, you know that i struggle with my mom's family and have for years. if not, now you know. i was expecting this email to be about my lifestyle and how i'm not being who i am, since we have had this conversation multiple times, but instead it was more about her.

i was confused. i didn't understand why she had sent this email, so i called momma j to ask her about it. somehow the conversation became really heated and we were arguing back and forth over something from years ago. i finally had to calm myself down and tell her that i needed to get off the phone.

for a little background for those of you who are newer readers to my little blog, my family is mormon. i grew up going to church, saying my prayers and reading the scriptures. i had to get up early on saturdays to make sure i watched conference and even got grounded if i didn't go to church or church activities. i was forced to go on trek, which in the end wasn't so bad, but it was brutal. finally, when i turned seventeen, i told my parents i'd had enough and that i was done being told what to do and who to be.

i've gone through my moments since then of being an active mormon and being an inactive mormon. some people who live in utah are what we call jack mormons (read number 11, don't read if you're an active mormon and want to be offended) do things that mormon religion is against but pretend they don't do the things they do. i don't believe in being fake, so i've never really hid the things i've done, or said, except to my parents and moms side of the family. didn't need them knowing i was drinking at age 17 and cursing like a sailor!

when i was dating the ex, he wanted to get married in the temple so i started to go back to church and take the steps necessary to get married in the temple. after i broke off the engagement i went about six to eight months before i started to become inactive again. i've found that either way i choose to live my life, i am happy and i will have bumps in the road. just because you are living life "right", as the mormon religion would say, doesn't mean that you are going to be perfectly happy and everything is going to be bright and sunshiney for you.

my mom's side of the family just doesn't get it. they don't understand why i am the way i am. they don't understand why i have tattoos and even have mocked me for them. i've been talked about throughout the aunts and my grandmother. some have stuck up for me while others have talked bad. i'm the bad influence on their daughters and anything they do wrong is my fault. (this has been an on going issues since i was a child). i finally got to the point where i stopped going around them because i was tired of the fake "oh i love and miss you's" i was tired of the judgements and the bad talking. i was done with dealing with it.

i haven't been to a family function, on my mom's side, in over a year.

i know it's hard for momma j, but she has gotten used to the idea and has seen first hand how i've been treated and now gets it. i responded to my grandma today to let her know that i am who i am, i won't be coming around the family till i'm ready and i hope that she can understand it.

just because they are blood, doesn't always mean they are family. i have friends that i consider more family than some of my blood relatives. isn't that sad? it's taken me a long time to find someone who was like me, per say, and i'm so grateful that cute guy and i have pretty much the same view on religion.

i needed to vent and get this off my chest and i'm sorry if this post offended any active mormons. please don't get me wrong, i have nothing against the religion itself, and find that most mormon's outside of utah are the best kind of mormons. my main frustration is how some utah mormon's are so judgemental and critical of everyone else's life but theirs seems to remain flawless and perfect.

**update - one of my favorite bloggers, who often posts of jesus and her religion, commented and told me to watch this video. it gave me chills and i absolutely loved it. it really fits how i feel and wish some people could see that.

TTUT - mama mia.

2012-01-10T12:25:00.000-07:00

talk to us tuesday is an awesome little weekly link up that my lover impulsive addict, and the gorgeous seriously shawn set up where there are no rules and you are able to talk about anything. i told you yesterday that there was a surprise for you....

so i've been dying to get a certain little something for the past few years but have had my "hunger" filled by my friends certain little somethings. well since i've pretty much moved in with cute guy and it's just the two of us, i've been kinda begging him to let me get a certain little something. after searching for quite sometime, i found the perfect certain little something..

meet our precious certain little something. her name is mia, she is a six week old chorkie (mix between a yorkie and chihuahua) she is less than a pound and fits right in the palm of your hand. cute guy was extremely nervous to get her but the minute he saw her he absolutely fell in love with her. it is adorable to watch the two of them together. i'll share some pictures of our precious little one because i know you are all dying to see more.

mia in her kennel aka bed, with her purple bunny that she absolutely loves

the minute we picked her up, we knew she was our little baby and has been the perfect fit into our little "family". her personality and attitude is a blessing and everyone absolutely has loved her so far. but i mean seriously, how could you not love that face? i'll be creating a page for mia that will give some more information about her personality because this is more of a letting you know i finally got my puppy and we are all so happy together. i've also included a little video of her which you will have to watch to the very end because she is too cute not too.

make sure to link up and play along. love your faces!

don't you want to take a joyride on my tandem?

2012-01-09T16:33:00.000-07:00

for those of you who live in utah, been to utah, or ever heard of utah and what we are well known for, besides our mormonism filled state, is our snow. apparently we have the greatest snow on earth, or so our license plates state. i've snowboarded on a few of our "best" resorts and it is pretty dope, but alas i hate snow and being cold so i wouldn't really know the difference.

winter 2008 - i make one hot snow bunny.. with my super long hair that i miss :(

anyway, it is january 9th of 2012 and we barely have any snow on the ground. we have barely had any snow at all this winter season and the weirdest part? it has been in the 40's and 50's with sunny days. so unlike what our winters are normally like. i mean it was weird enough we had the hurricane winds come through a little over a month ago, but for us to not have snow and warmer weather like it's still fall? unheard of. at least as far as i can remember... i'm not complaining, don't get me wrong, i hate snow i'm loving seeing the sun and the safe, dry roads. we've had some strange clouds rolling in and out, but very rarely are we seeing snow or even rain. then on top of that the smog we've been having. yuck.

the one thing i can't understand, or seem to grasp, is why someone who works in my building has continuously been riding their bike to work. i have no idea how far away they live, or who they are, but almost every work day i see this bike tied up. it is a freaking awesome bike and i absolutely love the color and i give mad props to whoever the owner of this little beauty is. the sun may be shining, but it is still pretty damn cold here. maybe i'm just lazy, but i would take driving over riding my bike, other than for recreational purposes, or walking anywhere.

i meant to blog about this bike months ago but forgot about it. since i have something i'm dying to share with you but figured it would be perfect for tomorrow, on our talk to us tuesday liny uppy thing, i'm finding the time and remembering to post about it today.

november 2011 - see i told you i had been meaning to post about this!

january 2012

i hope you guys are ready for my news tomorrow. it is kind of a big deal.. and i know you will absolutely love what i have to share. a few of you already know what my surprise is, so hush your mush.

tonight cute guy and i are heading to the parentals for a little surprise party for my pops 50th birthday. we will be driving, not riding a bike like a crazy person. i mean i understand in the summer when it's warm weather and your hands and feet don't feel like they are going to freeze off. seriously, hats off to my mysterious co-worker for being ballsy and riding your bike to work every day, even in january.

anywho.. love your faces. hope you had a good weekend.

i wrote this for you.

2012-01-06T16:55:00.000-07:00

cute guy and i have this little game we play where we hide each other notes. my mom gave me this idea when i was watching her pack for my dad for one of his business trips. she would hide little notes in his socks, shoes, pant pockets etc. they were about how she loved him and what she loved about him. well this morning i woke up to this hidden away where he knew i would definitely end up finding it. the front of it is says, chelsea chelsea bang bang love your toez.

yup, i have the sweetest, kinda awkward, boyfriend in the world. i certainly do love him. hope you all have a great weekend. love your faces.

dj has me fallin in love.

2012-01-05T12:47:00.001-07:00

one of my home girls apparently has a secret hidden skill of dj'ing on the side. she invited cute guy and i to come watch and chill in the "vip" section to come check her out. even though i haven't been feeling very well i needed to be a good supportive friend and go check out her mad skills. i've attached a few videos for your viewing pleasure and also some pics we took. you kick ass dj lip kandi.

girl you kicked ass. glad we were able to be there to support you. love your face.

TTUT - spicy chicken soup.

2012-01-03T10:27:00.000-07:00

time for talk to us tuesday with my lover impulsive addict and the gorgeous seriously shawn. no rules, so come on and play along.

i'm going to share a recipe today. i know, so domestic of me. i have been on a huge cooking kick lately and a few weeks ago we were having a winter solstice party where the theme was to bring something spicy. i searched and searched fora recipe that would be good to take and i finally narrowed it down to a few different things and let cute guy pick. it was a spicy chicken soup.

pinterest lead me to this website called foodgawker and i absolutely love it! i found this recipe on there. it does take some time to make, so if you are going to try it, make sure you give yourself about two or so hours to make it.

ingredients:

2 quarts water
6 skinless, boneless chicken breast halves
1 teaspoon ground black pepper
1 teaspoon garlic powder
2 tablespoons dried parsley
1 tablespoon onion powder
1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper
5 cubes chicken bouillon
3 tablespoons olive oil
1 onion, chopped
4 cloves garlic, minced
1 (16 ounce) jar chunky salsa
2 (14.5 ounce) cans diced tomatoes with chilies
1 (10.75 ounce) can condensed tomato soup
3 tablespoons chili powder
2 (15 ounce) cans whole kernel corn, drained
2 (16 ounce) cans spicy chili beans, undrained
1 (8 ounce) container sour cream

directions:

in a large pot over medium heat, combine water, chicken, salt, pepper, garlic powder, parsley, onion powder, cayenne pepper and bouillon cubes. bring to a boil, then reduce heat and simmer 1 hour, or until chicken juices run clear. remove chicken, reserve broth. shred chicken.
in a large pot over medium heat, cook onion and garlic in olive oil until slightly browned. stir in salsa, diced tomatoes, tomato soup, chili powder, corn, chili beans, shredded chicken and 5 cups broth. simmer 30 minutes. pour into bowls and top with sour cream and shredded cheddar cheese.

delish.

warning..this makes a lot of soup! since i was planning on making this for the party i was talking about before, it made sense because there were going to be a lot of people. well i have been coughing up a lung and feeling like my head is going to explode for the past two weeks, we didn't end up going. i was sick today so i ended up making it. it was absolutely delicious and we had it with rolls.

i didn't use as much chili pepper as it says so it wasn't too spicy and i used kidney beans instead of spicy chili beans. i think next time i make this, i'll only use one can of the diced tomatoes. cute guy isn't such a huge fun of them and there was a lot in the soup.

i definitely suggest this soup and i was so proud that it turned out so well. love your faces.

happy new year - twenty twelve

2012-01-02T14:05:00.000-07:00

wow i can't believe a whole year has gone by already. i will be doing a post to wrap up 2011 but this is for our celebrations of the actual evening.

cute guy and i got all dressed up and headed over to our friend jen and weston's for a fun filled evening with westons amazing homemade taco's, drinks and an overload of pictures. we had random conversations, ate way too much and laughed till our stomach hurts. the new year was a little rough for me, not only being sick but also with some other issues i've been dealing with. thank goodness for cute guy, his support and love, and also the girls that i've come to care and love so much. it was all and all a wonderful way to bring the new year in and i'm so grateful to have spent it with the people i did. the only people missing were my twin and her husband. then the night would have been perfect.

again, it's best said in pictures. enjoy.

starting the night off right

cute guy and his random pictures he takes of me..

before the night gets too crazy...

tessie, melissa, jen, ciege and myself

the boys

the girls

do you notice that all of the boys have their hands and drinks near their crotches? hmmmmm...

we make um back it up

weston's faces are like a mastercard purchase - priceless

our happy new year cake.. our newly pregnated friend! congrats melissa and brad.

marc's just along for the ride. or he's stoned. either way works as long as he brings tessie

marc, brad, melissa and jen

we get squirmish around each other.. it just happens

such a good sport..

playing with wallace.. the most adorable little french bulldog.. can't wait till i get mine

may old acquaintances never be forgotten

and i grabbed his face and brought in the new year with a fantastic kiss.

happy new year and welcome to twenty twelve. it will be a very interesting year.

goodbye twenty eleven.

2012-01-01T14:42:00.000-07:00

i remember saying twenty ten would be my year. i remember saying twenty eleven would bring what it would. now i'm saying twenty twelve, bring your worst. if the world is going to end, you better believe i'm not going out without a fight.

i try to do a recap of the things i learned, experienced, fell in love with and disasters that struck my life during the last year. this year has more than plenty to share. so let's begin shall we?

twenty eleven...

january..

i was dating cali boyfriend. he was toxic. he crashed my beloved jeep and complained about having to fix it. pretty sure he cheated on me with one of my "best friends" at the time.

moved out of my apartment and moved in with one of my best friends and her husband. some people may find this weird but it worked and we all had a great time together. they will forever be my roomies.

february..

kicked cali boyfriend to the curb. creepy stalker bad news all together. yuck.

had to go to insta care due to the anxiety that creep caused me. 80 bones later and the doc said everything was fine. wtf?

became extremely close with my twin and met husband and the kids for the first time.

march..

flew to la to visit my greek babe. rode bikes on the beach, drank beer, visited hollywood and relaxed. exactly what i needed.

started working for a bank while still serving at the local steak house in utah. finally quit the restaurant business and enjoyed the bank.

did a wedding, photo shoot, reviewed some products and built some clients (view post here)

april..

had a creepy man hit on me at the bank. had to hide under my desk every time he came in. we called him hallmark guy.

met boyfriend and fell in love instantly.

went to the sand dunes for the first time and don't remember almost anything from that weekend.

interviewed for the job i'm at currently.

may..

this month is a blur of boyfriend, birthdays, family events, breaking up and getting back together.

oh, i sold my jeep and bought my hot wheels car. it was a sad day.

i started my new job.

had my first tattoo session to start on my project

june..

went to vegas for a bachelorette party for one of my best friends. it was like the hangover, but for girls. k-a-r-a-z-y.

had my second tattoo session

went camping with boyfriend and his friends. worst idea ever. almost bitch slapped a little 19 year old girl who thought she ruled the world. you don't mess with me bitch.

july..

went to the doctor, got put on medication for my anxiety, sleeping disorder and depression

i took a stand for myself and finally stopped caring what everyone else would think

traveled to green river wyoming, where the memories will forever bring laughter and joy, regardless of where we have all left off. did makeup for a wedding, got hit on by our butch bar tender and almost was punched by husband for my sassy attitude.

did makeup for one my best friends weddings and was included in the small ceremony. it was beautiful and i am so grateful i was there to share that moment.

i dyed a dog purple and have no shame

went on an extremely long camping trip. fun, but way too long for my liking.

my twin got her pitbull puppy.

one of my best friends went into the navy. i still miss her.

august..

this is where all the fun began..

boyfriend and i were supposed to go to a wedding, guess i got a little more tipsy than realized and before you know it i'm a mess from head to toe. sprained ankle, burned leg and pulled over for a dui (which thankfully i passed. never drink and drive. i will never ever do this again and have stuck to my word sense that experience) read here and here

boyfriend and i broke up.

went to a therapist and learned why i am the way i am.

would go hang out with my twin while she was in school for nails

moved back into my parents.

started losing a lot of weight.

my brother, sil and nephew moved back to utah! yay.

september..

my ankle and burn were healing nicely, stopped seeing my therapist.

started dating again.

was introduced to cute guy and my life hasn't been the same since.

got in my car accident that has me now permanently petrified of other drivers

october..

started to date cute guy more seriously

found out some news that will forever change my opinion on a certain person. ugh.

got another tattoo and my tongue pierced

dressed as a twenties flapper girl for halloween and met cute guys friend for the first time

november..

pretty much moved in with cute guy

went to the doctor for the female check up. found something not normal.

shared a very special moment with cute guy....... :)

went to arizona to visit the grandparents, spend my twenty fourth birthday and thanks giving

december..

went back to the doctor.. things should be ok, but they may not.

cute guy told me he loved me.

my friend in the navy finally came to visit!

momma j has finally hit her five year clean mark. thank god.

had a not so fun conversation with my family

had two sessions on my tattoo - painful and terrible sitting still for that long... but totally worth it

celebrated five christmases and met cute guys family for the first time

obviously there was a lot more that happened this year, but those are the basic details. it was an intense year and i can't believe all of that happened within one year. that is why i am telling twenty twelve to bring it's worst because one thing after another kept happening and if this year is going to try to keep that up, i'm going to be fighting back. i have too much to lose now and will not let anything take it away from me.

how was your twenty eleven? did it meet all your expectations?

by the way... boyfriend is not cute guy. he is the last boy i dated before i met cute guy. wanted to clear that up.

girl look at that body.

2011-12-31T13:32:00.000-07:00

friday night we spent out with some of cute guys friends. we were celebrating a birthday and boy did we celebrate. we had dinner at tgif's and then headed to a local dive bar for drinks and dancing. there really aren't any words to describe the night we had, so i'll just show you the pictures. take it for what you will.

blackberry long islands with my girl jen

i heart him

this is for you my lover

such a good sport to take so many pictures with me

sexy and he knows it

weston and jen.. ten+ years of being together and still so happy

no shoes, no shirt and we still get service

cute guy snapping pictures of me

murph weston and jen

this is what happens when you've had one too many drinks and britney spears comes on

keepin up with the jones' and cute guy.. since he is the odd ball out when it comes to our last names

all the girls together with murph peepin in

i smother his face with kisses.. just can't help it when he is so damn adorable

uh... no words? good thing they are pretty

marc and cute guy.. so precious

she's a diva and works it on the dance floor

jen and ciege

marc and tessie.. so adorable

tell my homies we say it's a party

the birthday boy

birthday boy and his lovely wifey

got passion in our pants and we're not afraid to show it

definitely a good time with great drinks, fantastic music and wonderful company. happy birthday to nick! thanks for letting us celebrate with you.

christmas 2011.

2011-12-27T11:32:00.000-07:00

christmas was a very long drawn out holiday for us. not only did we celebrate it five times, we were both sick.

we opened our christmas presents on friday night since we were heading up to my twins house early the next morning. cute guy loved his gifts and i was so glad. what i got him...

gift card to get a tattoo done
a new pair of very cute jeans
two long sleeve shirts
a jacket
a belt
a gift card to home depot

what he got me..

money for my tattoo [this gift was early since i had my last appointment on the 17th]
a book i've been wanting
friends with benefits, the movie
new boots that i've been trying so hard to find

it was a great first christmas for the two of us, the first of many we hope.

then saturday we went to my twin's house to spend christmas eve with her family. we played games, ate delicious ham and funeral potatoes [if you don't know what those are, then you are missing out. they are delicious and a mormon staple food, like jello and ranch dressing] the next morning was spent watching the kids freak out over what santa had brought them and loving all of their gifts. i think that is the best part of christmas, watching kids open presents.

yes i know i'm a bad influence, she wanted to hold the glass and feel grown up like us so i had to take advantage of it. look how freaking adorable that smile is though. don't you judge me!

after all was cleaned up we headed over to my parents house for brunch and then to open our presents there. in stead of having a big christmas, we decided to have our parents use the money they would have to buy us presents, to put it to a better cause. something we can all be proud of. cute guy fits right in with my family and my nephew just absolutely adores him.

he was so excited over his new shoes.. aren't they darling?!

i have no words for this, just go with it

my parents got cute guy some drawing stuff for christmas. he is quite the artist and was so excited for this. can't wait to see what he starts to draw.

family christmas photo 2011

after my parents, we headed over to cute guys parents house to celebrate once more. this was my first time meeting the family and i was a tad nervous, but families are kinda my thing. i passed the test and feel like we are all going to get along great. his parents got me a book i've been dying to get since it's release date and also a very gorgeous bracelet. it was so sweet and kind of them to do that.

[no pictures from cute guy's family christmas celebration... plus you have already have had a picture over load with this post!]

then today we headed to my parents again to celebrate with my dad's side of the family. we decided not to exchange gifts since it's the same every year. we ate yummy food, had good laughs and was able to catch up.

so after five christmas celebrations i'm very over this holiday and am ready for the new year to start! how was your christmas? did you get everything you wanted? love your faces.

hold onto what you believe in.

2011-12-21T15:57:00.000-07:00

i can't help but be thankful for a few things today. i wanted to share them with you. maybe you could share a few things you're grateful for too.

the woman at the gas station who has covered my last two drinks in the morning without having too

my job and paycheck i get that help me live and survive

my car that keeps me warm and safe

cute guy and all he does for me. he makes me feel safe, warm and happy

my immediate family and the love they continually give me, even if sometimes they may not understand my life choices
a good blogger friend giving me her give away prize since she knew the meaning it had behind it for me. it made me feel so blessed and loved! thank you again girl

the ability to walk, talk, see and hear

good memories that make the tough times better

music and all it brings to my life

technology

authors who write amazing books that i can cherish and love forever

movies that leave me feeling happy

good food and good drinks that make even the coldest days warm

the ability to forgive and continually love unconditionally even when sometimes i shouldn't

the list could go on and on but these were a few of the things that have been on my mind. sometimes the smallest thing can change someones day, or life, and we may never know it. maybe we forget the important things in life like sacrifice, love and family. what they mean and represent. sometimes we forget why we celebrate christmas in the first place. i don't get too religious on my blog, because frankly i'm not very religious but i have always said that i have a strong faith in God and Jesus Christ.

i hope that while you are celebrating this christmas holiday, you can remember the reason we celebrate it and why we are here. i know some of you may disagree, but it isn't about the presents, the music or santa. it's because Christ was born and did amazing things for each of us so that we can be where we are now. i suppose this is one of the reasons why i have not loved christmas in a long while. it seems so superficial and doesn't have the same feeling as it used too. either way, i'm grateful for what i have and the time i'll be able to spend with my loved ones.

merry christmas.

TTUT - christmas spirit.

2011-12-20T13:35:00.000-07:00

it's time for another talk to us tuesday with my lover impulsive addict and the gorgeous seriously shawn. no rules, just link up and it's all good.

if you've been a follower of mine for a while, you should know by now my feelings towards this time of year. i don't know what triggered my dislike for almost all things christmas, but it has been going on for some time now. this year, i actually surprised myself by getting a lot of my christmas shopping done early. last night i finally finished up wrapping all of my presents, minus the few packages that i had shipped to my parents house.

it gives me the worst anxiety wrapping and putting gifts together. i am always worried that the person will not like what i give them and it is usually the last minute put together kinda thing. this year however, i am excited to give all of my gifts. i feel as though i've put each gift with each person perfectly. i spent a good half hour standing in line at the post office today to send out two of my girls gifts, so they may show up a little late, sorry girls, but at least they are coming! it is a nice relief to know that i am finally done and can relax a little now.

anyway, last saturday cute guy and i went to a good friend of his house for their christmas party. his wife had everyone dress up and it was so fun. even though i'm not a huge fan of christmas, it is still nice to get together with friends, drinks and good music to celebrate.

i heart him.

i hope you all have a merry christmas and enjoy good food, good company and good drinks.

love your faces.

like, hate, love, what's the difference.

2011-12-19T15:42:00.000-07:00

so i was going through some of my old posts to find a picture to show one of my co-workers and came across this post. figured i'd do an updated version of it. please check that post for my old answers.

the task:

fill in twelve likes, one love and eight hates like cassie in her therapy video. below, the things in bold things are what you MUST include. also, please link it back to erimentha.

abracadabra, wow!

i like - reading, with a cup of coffee or a glass wine, preferably in a bubble bath. it takes the edge off of everything else

i like - spending time curled up on the couch with cute guy watching tv doing absolutely nothing

i like - my job. honestly, i really do

i like - traveling to places i've never been and day dreaming about it

i like - being an absolute girly girl. the make up, the jewelry, the shoes, the clothes, the attitude, and most importantly the hair and nails

i like - all sorts of crazy, absurd music. things people may not enjoy, things people may love, anything that finds it's way into my heart

i like - day dreaming about my future and where i'll end up in ten+ years

i like - blogging and getting things off my chest

i like - jeeps, they are my favorite

i like - cooking and trying out new recipes

i like - trying new things

i like - where i'm at today

i love the sun. warm glorious SUN.

[this answer will never change]

today - is gloomy, but with a visit from my cute guy makes the sunshine through those grey cloudy skies

in some ways, i love everything. it's less, it's less of a thing to like, it's less distinct, it's less particular, i like things that i like but i love everything. there’s more choice in like, cos even the worst things have things you love in them. i don’t know what you mean about things i hate…

i hate - feeling like i've disappointed someone i care about

i hate - that i've made some mistakes, even though they were necessary, that will stay with me for the rest of my life, like a haunting dream.....

i hate - that i'm not where i want to be in life, completely

i hate - that i had to sell my jeep this year

i hate not knowing - doesn't matter what it is, future things of my life, drama between friends, secrets, anything.. i'm extremely nosey and i love knowing anything and everything but respect boundaries if put out there

[this answer will never change]

i hate - having my space, whether at home, work, car etc. being a mess. ugh it drives me crazy!

i hate - being cold

[this answer will never change]

i hate - not being able to sleep, even when i've taken my sleeping pills

i hate.. this. wow.. sorry.

anything in bold came from the original post from the girl who started this. maybe you can try playing along. not sure if this is still active on youtube or not but i thought it would be fun to play almost two years later.

love you.

my hometown glory.

2011-12-16T14:43:00.000-07:00

adele has always had me captivated. i remember finding her on pandora one day and the song hometown glory made me crave more of this fantastically talented woman, who in so many ways, i can relate too.

one of my best girlfriends is in town for the week visiting her family and friends for the holidays. she is in the navy and now lives very far away from me. i almost choked her last night because i was hugging her so tightly. i miss her every single day and i just adore her. we all got together at my twins house for some drinks, pictures and catching up.

not only did i have the most important people in my life in one room, i felt so loved. i had a little bit of a melt down due to a conversation between us girls that, let's face it, will happen every now and then. sometimes boyfriend, ex mind you, still is on my mind. even though i know i am in such a better place and with such a better man than he could ever be, he creeps up on me. i believe this happens with everyone who has loved someone like how i loved him. but other than that little moment, it was a great night.

i'm so proud of my girl for accomplishing her dreams, doing what she loves and finding a man that truly appreciates her and treats her so well. i just adored them together and since they were talking about wedding bells i'm pretty sure i'll be getting my butt in gear to help plan a fantastic, gorgeous wedding for her.

anyway, i want to thank you all for your comments on my post yesterday. you seriously are fucking awesome. yup, that's right. i just dropped the f-bomb to let you know what i think of you. just go with it. i think the most important thing is that we all stay true to ourselves, even when we don't know who that is yet. our body has some idea and will help guide you in the right direction, if you let it. i feel as though i'm being who i am to the best of my ability and if it can't be appreciated by my "friends" then they really aren't friends at all.

my heart felt so happy last night to have my adorable boyfriend sitting there next to me, my girl with her boy, and then my twin and her hubs. people i know i can trust and be exactly who i am without the judgment or lies. for the first time in a long time, it felt like home.

as you can tell, i am extremely happy in all of these pictures. daisy loves to give me kisses and cute guy caught it last night. even through the drama, the anxiety, the frustrations and the misunderstandings, my life felt last night felt calm, peaceful and full of love and laughter. as someone i was hanging out with one time said "all you need is good friends, good drinks and good conversation and nothing will ever top that" so true. this is my hometown glory. this is my love.

blindness.

2011-12-15T12:51:00.000-07:00

hello my loves.

yesterday at work was a rough day. not only have i been sick as a dog, getting ready for mother nature to take her deathly course and getting almost no sleep for five days straight, i had to deal with some drama that didn't ever need to come up.

i hurt people's feelings for having an opinion, i'm sure i ruined a few relationships and so on and so forth. as i was trying to deal with all of this drama, while sleep deprived and pms'ing out the window, i went to my brother and sister in laws beautiful new home last night with cute guy to make homemade pizza's and catch up. their house is absolutely gorgeous and i love the colors they've picked.

the best part? seeing my absolutely adorable nephew for when he saw me, laughed and ran right up to me. his big toothy grin, curious nature and slober kisses can make any day better. we have no control over other peoples emotions or thoughts and things can get jumbled or confused and assumptions will be made. even though i apologized for anything i did or said to hurt people's feelings, i have no control over whether or not it will be accepted or even meant anything.

all i can do is keep moving forward, doing what i know best. being who i am, speaking my mind and knowing the people who actually want to be a part of my life because of who i am, are the only ones who matter. cute guy stands beside me no matter what and holds my hand when i'm stressed. my twin listens to me vent and tells me when i'm being crazy or when i have a right to feel the way i do. my nephew see's his favorite aunt. this person who has nothing but absolute love for him.

a while back, my lover did a random pet peeve post and puts how i'm feeling perfectly..

"please don't brag about your perfect life in EVERY.SINGLE. POST. yes you're beautiful, yes your husband is hot, yes your child is super smart and/or handsome, yes we know your marriage is perfect and you have the perfect life because you brag about it like it was a gift from baby Jesus. good for you. but you, my bloggy friend, are a liar. JennyKate will tell you that all liars go to coweta. trust me. you don't wanna go there. take your rose-colored glasses off and be real for a few minutes. nobody's life is that perfect. "

seriously, we all have drama and to pretend that our lives are perfect is just damn right wrong, regardless if it is on facebook, in real life or on a blog. one of the things that drives me crazy about my mother's family is this exact thing. "oh my kids would never do anything like that!" "i never made a mistake and was always perfect in highschool/college" things of such nature. let me tell you my friends, all of this is false. kids are master minds at hiding things from their parents and those kids who turn into parents somehow forget this.

i know this is a little long post, but with all the drama i've been dealing with lately, i just can't help it. sometimes you just need a little vent sesh. sometimes, you need to remind the rest of the blogging world, and everyone who doesn't blog who still reads this, that oh ya, you are human. i've learned over my time that all you do is be who are you, for either people will accept you for that or they won't. i have a certain amount of people in my life who matter most to me and each one of them accepts me for who i am, or at least tries to understand why i am who i am. that is all i ask. for i will always love you for who you are and do the best that i can to be your friend. if i feel betrayed or upset, i will say how i feel.

sometimes i speak too quickly, sometimes i don't speak quick enough. either way, i'm only twenty-four and am continuing to learn how this world works. either way, spending that time with my beautiful, sweet, perfect nephew yesterday just made everything else fall away. enjoy watching is gorgeous little face play around yesterday.

i love you bubba

etsy loving.. lilo prints

2011-12-14T11:19:00.002-07:00

so one of my favorite bloggie friends posted a week ago.. i know i've been so bad at this, about this amazing giveaway. plus a discount even if you don't win. please go check out the giveway, today is the deadline so you must hurry.

i already have one of the prints picked out, whether i'm the winner or not. it is PERFECT for my mother and i cannot wait to give it to her. please check out her blog and her etsy site. you'll love it. i swear it.

omg i can't believe i am just now getting around to this. seriously, perfect christmas gifts, birthday, anniversary, just because, decorating.. this time of year i tell you, it gets me going! haha... so get to it!

talking trees.

2011-12-09T14:19:00.001-07:00

yesterday was cute guy's work christmas party. we were welcomed into his bosses beautiful home with welcome arms. we had delicious food, yummy desserts and good chats. i actually found out that one of his bosses son's went on his lds mission with a kid i went to high school with and went to the same high school as one of my best guy friends. the small world i live in...

i was finally able to see a coworker of cute guys who lined us up and oh how i've missed her face. it was nice to get dressed up, meet new people and catch up with familiar faces. you gotta love this time of year right? hahahaha... you should all know i'm a grinch when it comes to christmas so i look at "christmas parties" as more of just parties. i know, i'm terrible.

after we were all done at his bosses house, cute guy decided to take me on a detour. there is this house in murray utah that OVER DOES IT for christmas. apparently they have been doing this for the past twenty plus years. honestly, more power to 'um but i could not, and would never do it. i've included some fun vidoes for you to watch and if you live in my beautiful, but ridiculous state, you must go visit this house. it is ka-razy. just say'n.

the woman who lined me and cute guy up.. love her.

seriously, these people put WAY too much thought into this. it was cool and all but omg. i would go nuts if that was my house. do you or any of your neighbors do things like this? what is your reasoning behind it if so? i'm extremely curious.

hope you have a great weekend planned. cute guy and i have plans to go watch some mma fights tonight, see my twin's little boy wrestle tomorrow and then a date night and nothing planned sunday, which i'm thrilled about. i'm ready for a relaxing day with my love. it's over due! anywho, gotta get my butt back to work. so much to do and so little time. love your faces.

sugar cookies.

2011-12-07T17:11:00.001-07:00

last night cute guy and i took a little trip to go visit my twin and the kids. can i tell you that the kids love cute guy more than they love me?! we walked in the door and they were way more excited to see him than me. tear. oh well, at least they like him right? we made yummy chicken parmesan and noodles. found the recipe of pinterest. love that. second time making it and it always taste so delicious.

my sister in law gave me some sugar cookie mix with a awesome spatula and an oven mitt for my birthday since she knows i love to cook. i took the sugar cookies up to the twins house because i knew the kids would have more fun with it than i would. it definitely ended up a good time.

love these kids and had so much fun spending time with them last night. cute guy is so sweet and i really appreciate all he does for me, my family and my twins family. he really has been a huge blessing in my life.

TTUT - god is great, beer is good, and people are crazy.

2011-12-06T14:53:00.001-07:00

i know i have been mia the last few weeks but i'm telling you work has been crazy, cute guy and i have had plans left and right and the weather has been a bitch. if you live in utah or watch the news, you know how crazy it has been here. wind reaching up to 102 mph and causing thousands of people to lose power for a few days. ugh.. anyway.. time to link up with my lover impulsive addict and the gorgeous seriously shawn. no rules, play along with talk to us tuesday.

i figured i would do a catch up post today since it's been a week since i last posted anything. as you can tell from the little tid bit i said at the top of this post, the weather has been a joke. my parents went without power for four days, my twin and her husband for two days, and cute guys apartment for a few short hours, thank heavens. the weather has be in the low twenties and omg it is has been freezing here. but with that said, we tried to keep our spirits up regardless of mother natures pms.

we celebrated lil' bro's nineteenth birthday. cayden loves cute guy and cute guy is so freaking adorable with him. big plus in my book. then my older brother tried on the three-d glasses over his glasses to make sure he wouldn't need to wear contacts when they watch their new fancy three-d tv.

cute guy and i enjoyed a date night which included some of my favorite beer and twilight. he is such a good sport. i heart him.

took my twins kids friday night to play with my girlfriends kids and enjoyed pizza and beer for the adults. yum.

so in despite of bitchy weather, some bad news from a good friend and some other news i'm not sharing yet, it has been a good few weeks. work has been crazy, training a new girl, getting the paperwork filed and updated and meetings left and right. plus going to see the doctor twice in one month, yuck. anyway, enough for today.. gotta get back to work. love your faces.

TTUT - big green tractor.

2011-11-29T17:08:00.001-07:00

i feel kinda like a bad blogger for not linking up last tuesday for talk to us tuesday hosted by my lover impulsive addict and the gorgeous seriously shawn. but alas, there is nothing i can do about it but post today! work has me swamped and i'm squeezing this in before i head out the door for a date night with cute guy. no rules, no gimmics, no bs. play along.

my nephew is absolutely the cutest baby on the planet. my mom took some pictures a few weeks ago when she was babysitting him and shared them with me. i thought i'd share his cute face with you. enjoy.

ahhh seriously, how can you not just love that little boy?! he melts my heart i tell you. can't wait to see him tomorrow when we have dinner to celebrate lil' bros birthday. love your faces.

i heart you.

2011-11-28T16:12:00.001-07:00

hello loves, did you have a wonderful thanksgiving weekend? i missed you, i'll be trying to play catchup over the next few days. bare with me, i'm coming to see you soon.

my thanksgiving, and birthday, were spent in the sunny city of lake havasu city in arizona. i enjoyed good food, relaxation, much needed reading time and family fun. it was good to go visit but i am very glad i'm home. i missed cute guy way too much for words and sunday was a great day for both of us. as he put it,

"once we're apart though it makes you realize how much we miss each other and how much i wanna be with you"

so true. he is adorable. speaking of how fantastic he is, he had flowered delivered to me at work today. they got here at the perfect timing and i was almost on the verge of tears. his note read,

"happy (late) birthday baby doll, sucks we couldn't spend it together but i sure missed you. i heart you"

omg. i heart him.

not much to post today, not feeling so good but wanted to let you know i was alive and had a good weekend. love your faces. ps.. enjoy the pictures from the weekend.

my gorgeous new necklace momma j picked out for my birthday, so me.. i love it

i thank god you're here with me.

2011-11-21T12:01:00.001-07:00

normally on monday's i do a what i learned about my weekend but today i'm going to do things i'm thankful/grateful for. like i said in my last post, i've recently had an awakening of sorts and am so thankful for a few very important things right now. so here we go.

i'm thankful/grateful for..

my twin. lately we've both been given a lot of trials and things that have been emotionally, physically and mentally hard to go through. one thing i've realized is that no matter what happens or what we are put through, we will both be there for each other. that's what family does right? you don't give up when times are tough or not going the way you want them to. that is the time when your bond becomes unbreakable. she is my other half. i absolutely love this woman and who she is.

we all have our flaws and make mistakes. we all do our best to learn from them and keep moving forward with the best attitude we can. she helps me with this and i help her. we have our our separate support systems aka her husband and my cute guy, but other than that we are each others biggest support. i can honestly say if she wasn't a part of my life or if i lost her, i would have a very empty spot in my heart. i'm so thankful for all she does for me, all she is and all she can become. i love you twin.

cute guy. i don't think i can say it enough of how important this man has become to me. with all the shit i've been through and the crappy guys, who at the time i thought were absolutely wonderful.. i must have been on drugs, i've dated he is my breath of fresh air. he makes me laugh, smile, quirky and mellow. sometimes he irritates me and gets on my nerves but that just shows how much he means to me. he has such a sweet, sensitive nature but yet is masculine and tough. he has the most adorable real smile and gorgeous green eyes (my absolute favorite color eyes.. how did i get so lucky?) he truly has been a blessing to my life and i surely hope he sticks around. you really do have to go through the shitty ones to realize how wonderful the fantastic ones are. i will miss him terribly on my trip this week.

i'm thankful for myself and all i've learned. i'm grateful for the progress i've been making with the challenges i've over come and continue to over come. i'm grateful for the ability to be able to have freedom, in every way, to be healthy and have all of my senses active and working correctly. i'm so grateful for the job i'm at and the people i work with. this job has helped me grow in so many ways and help me remember things about myself i've forgotten. i'm grateful for my ability to forgive and be understanding. i'm grateful for my ability to let go and have faith everything will be ok.

i'm thankful for my trials i've gone through to give me the knowledge and strength to help me keep moving forward. as my twin says, i've come a long way in three short months. i'm a much better person and healthier, mentally physically and emotionally, and its because i believed in myself. i believed i could be better and do better. life will have it's ups and downs and i know that i can handle it. i have great friends and family, an amazing boyfriend and God.

i'm grateful for my sweet nephew, his parents and my loving family.

i'm thankful for music and the way it speaks to me.

i'm grateful for food and my diet pepsi being on hand whenever i need it.

i'm thankful for amazing doctors and nurses who help make things better.

i'm grateful for my car, even though i think it's a hot wheels car.

i'm thankful for my guardian angels who have helped me live through the last twenty-four years of my life and hope they keep it up.

i'm grateful for the memories i have. the good, the bad, the happy, the sad. they have helped form me.

i'm thankful for my blog and all the wonderful, amazing people i've been able to get to know. there are a few, who should know who they are, that have changed my life and i love them even though i may have not met them in person. they teach me new things and share stories that make me cry, inspire me and make me happy. this blog has been one of my greatest achievements and blessings in my life.

i'm grateful for everything i have. i'm so blessed and lucky.

november is my favorite time of the year and i have so much to be thankful for. i hope you take the time to remember what it is in your life you are grateful/thankful for because i'm sure the list could go on and on. love your faces.

it's not over.

2011-11-18T14:15:00.001-07:00

i had blogged about how i had found out some terribly news the other day, sorry to be so vague about what is going on, it is nothing something to be shared and is not my place to share this information. i need to talk about it and am going to be as vague about it as i damn well please. mk thanks.

anyway.. i have been trying to handle it the best way i possibly can. you know, downing bottle after bottle of captain morgan tattoo and smoking at least ten packs of marlboro reds, while dancing naked on the balcony. i've apparently lost my mind.

totally kidding.

anyway, after finding out more details about this bad news, my heart just ached. it felt as if it was being broken, but not broken for me. broken for someone else. someone who i used love and now cannot imagine what the fuck i was thinking ever being a part of their life. seriously, disgusted with myself.

after a long hot shower at my parents house, while continuing to try and digest this news, i went to look for my mini blow dryer since i had left my favorite one at cute guys apartment and my twin has my other one. i am a nomad, just go with it. i remembered that i had the first blow dryer that misikko had sent to me which was broken. it made this extremely high pitched noise and sounded like it was going to blow up at any minute. seriously freaked me out. so the amazing company that they are, he sent me another one.

well when i moved back into my parents, i thought i must have thrown this blow dryer away. while in search for my little mini dryer i found the original blower dryer misikko had sent me. i decided i was bound and determined to fix this thing. it may have taken me an hour and using my toolbox, yes i have a tool box. as an independent woman you gotta be able to take care of yourself, just say'n. i fixed it.

ladies and gentlemen, i fixed it. the pride i felt in myself, over something that may seem so irrelevant to you, is something that i don't think i could really explain in words. it was like a light bulb had been switched on in my head. finding out this news and trying to understand why on earth i, and the people involved, had to be going through this terrible thing, it finally clicked.

sometimes you may feel you're broken, someone pushes you aside and you sit there, all alone with no one to comfort you or really understand what it is you're going through or how you are truly feeling. the feeling you feel at that moment, is the absolute worse pain and you feel as though nothing could ever fix it or take it away. then one day someone picks you up, caresses your worries, fears and that part of you that felt broken is suddenly fixed.

via

God works in such mysterious ways. i always wondered why i went through some of the trials and absolutely heart aching pain i have, but yesterday it all made sense. sometimes you need to feel broken in order to be fixed. to have that void filled. to have that crack mended. sometimes that fix comes from another human being, an animal, a book, a song or even yourself.

if you are struggling, if you are hurting, if you feel like you're broken, let me tell you. you are definitely not. you are going through a trial. you are preparing yourself for something that you can't even think of or imagine right now. you are slowly becoming a better person and fixing the things inside you that you may not even know you are fixing.

via

i understand all of these feelings. i've been there. i've gone through it. i've been so alone and depressed no one could snap me out of it. i even went to get on medication to help me get back to my normal cheerful self. the medication helped. i'm not ashamed to talk about it. i'm not ashamed i'm on medication. i will take it as along as it is necessary.

even though i am on medication, the bad days still come up. the days where it is a struggle to get my ass out of bed. to get dressed or even get ready. it's a struggle to be social or even smile. i feel numb. the medication doesn't control my emotions, or me. it helps mellow me out and try to balance me, which it does. but like i said, i'm human. i have those emotions like everyone else.

via

i'm not saying that i'm not completely one hundred percent fixed, but everything i've gone through suddenly made sense. God was protecting me. even though i was hurt physically, mentally and emotionally in the process, he was protecting me from future events that would have done so much worse damage to me.

by fixing this blow dryer, i felt another piece of what is left of being broken inside me, come together. the more i look at my life and where i am now compared to a year ago, i am in such a better place. regardless of the heart ache, the fights, the tears, the anger, the despair. i am a better person. i am stronger. i have more power over myself. i am progressing and moving forward. i am happy.

via

there is a quote that i found from one of my long time bloggie friends which has stuck with me ever since i read it. the time i read it was when boyfriend and i broke up. i was struggling immensely and this gave me motivation. after hearing this news it just really made me feel like, "fuck yes. i'm doing exactly that and nothing is going to stop me from continuing to be happy."

"that's the best revenge of all: happiness.

nothing drives people crazier than seeing someone have a good fucking life."

-chuck palahniuk

when it's a true smile, everyone around you can tell.

there is no other way to put it than that. to all of you who this post reaches and relates to you, remember, you are worth the world. you deserve the best out of life and it's up to you to choose your attitude and what you will and won't let you affect you. you are the master of your soul.

i know this post is so long, but it's been a while since i've posted something like this and yesterday was just such an "ah ha!" moment for me i had to share it. i know it always helps me to read things like this from fellow bloggers who have these moments as well.

know that i love you. i appreciate you. i'd be lost without my bloggie friends and the world we share. i was lost. i missed out on so much in the year i pretty much took off from blogging. i'm back and nothing is going to take that away. if you're looking for a great song and love angels and airwaves like i do, please make sure to check out my heroine (it's not over). the lyrics, the beat, the vocals.. it empowers me. it makes my heart soar.

have a wonderful weekend my lovies.

some words are best unspoken.

2011-11-17T15:53:00.001-07:00

there has been a lot that has gone on this week. a lot of different emotions have been felt and i'm doing the best i can to keep my head above water. sometimes things happen that you have absolutely no control over. sometimes things happen that you can't even believe happened and regret instantly. i know people say live with no regrets, but sometimes, just sometimes, there is room for regret. the best way to handle it is to keep moving forward and never make that mistake again.

i'm not referring to myself in this situation, but it affects me and has affected me the past few days since i found out the news. i've been trying really hard to not let it get to me, but sometimes you just can't help it. so today, while i was outside taking a break, i decided to take a few snap shots of things that made me smile. somethings that brightened my day just a little bit. well besides a co-worker of mine totally making my day with little random gas station trips we take. god i love my job.

there is just something about trees with the leaves falling off of that is an unexplainable attachment too

i love the gorgeous colors of the changing leaves

an old school bike who someone is brave enough to be riding in our freezing cold winter weather

as you can tell, it doesn't take much to entertain me or keep me happy. it's the simple things in life and i don't think i can stress that point enough. plus when i have cute guy saying things like this to me, how could i not let everything else around me just fall away?

"oh my precious... i'm the lucky one.. just sayin"

"oh em gee, you are adorable. can i keep you?"

it's about time i found someone who treats me the way he does. i've been the typical stupid girl in the past thinking that the guy i'm dating is treating me right and everything is oh so good, until it isn't. cute guy is different. his style is different, his hobbies are different, his personality is different, we are different. i'm liking the differences and i'm loving how i feel when i'm with him. like i said, everything melts away as he holds me and kisses my forehead.

yes i will let him keep me, and i feel as though i'm the lucky one. but how do you ever really prove something like that?

happy thursday my loves. one week and it's my birthday. i can't believe how fast this year has gone by and that i'm going to be one year older and much wiser.

tic.tac.toe

2011-11-16T18:07:00.001-07:00

yesterday, cute guy and i went to babysit my twin's kids [as to not confuse you as many of you may think she is my real twin, she is not. please go to her page at the top of my blog where it says my twin. you can read the whole story there.] anytime i can get to spend with these little munchkins i jump at the chance. they brighten my day with their big hugs, curious minds and kisses.
as i was in the kitchen cleaning up from dinner, i peaked my head around the corner and saw this.

they were playing tic tac toe on brax's computer. they couldn't get enough of him and he does so well with them. it makes my heart melt. if you read my blog frequently then you know a picture just won't cut it for me. i of course had to take a video of them as well. please enjoy.

TTUT - i'm dreaming of blue blue skies.

2011-11-15T12:42:00.001-07:00

talk to us tuesday, round ten. that's right, i've faithfully done ttut every tuesday for ten straight weeks. i think that is a huge record or something. good thing it's my lover impulsive addict who co-hosts this wonderful little thing with the gorgeous seriously shawn. no rules and i get to say whatever i want. it's perfect for me. just say'n.

thanksgiving, the actual holiday, has been a vacation time for my family since i can remember. we are normally out of the state on or around my birthday. disneyland on a few different occasions, new york, hawaii and the most frequent birthday place for me has been lake havasu arizona.

my dad's parents own a condo, on a golf course, in the sunny small little town. some of you may know this place as spring breaks hometown, but for me i know it has a second home. it's been a few years since i've been back to visit and next week i am taking the long drive to sunny havasu to spend five days soaking in the sun, shopping, eating delicious food and doing a lot of relaxing.

some pictures from my last trip back "home"...

the view aka the backyard.. isn't it absolutely stunning?

we took my cousin ashley and braden with us this last round.. she is lovely.

you know how i roll.. music, sun and talking on the phone. couldn't be happier unless i had a beer in my hand.

my little red rodeo.. i mean it does run in our family to be cowgirls.

the london bridge in it's christmas attire

celebrating my birthday and lil' bro's.

mouth full of chocolate mouse.. don't you judge me

three generations.. who knows if we'll have a fourth!

hanging out by the beach

oh how i miss the palm tree's...

can you see the heart?

she will always be the sister i never had

the two people who have to claim me as their own flesh and blood. pops and momma j

passed out on our way home.. ten hours in a car is a long ass time. just say'n.

can't wait to go back. what are your plans for thanksgiving?!

dearly beloved.

2011-11-14T10:58:00.001-07:00

hello lovies.. my blog has been under a little construction as of late to update the font, add a button and change the purple to a darker one. i'm not sure if it's just my computer or if anyone else is acting up like this where you see a black line under the font? if you know how to fix this please share your knowledge.

anywho, it's monday which means it's time for what i learned over the weekend.
- getting into work at 8:00am and being able to leave early is awesome. cute guy has definitely been good for waking me up and getting me going in the mornings
- driving up to my parents to spend time with them and see my nephew makes my heart smile
- listening to cute guy talk with my parents and siblings and hearing them get along is something i'm enjoying, normally this doesn't happen and it's kinda awkward, which is why i normally don't bring guys around the family
- cayden is super shy when he doesn't know you and may give you dirty looks, poor cute guy
- making homemade brownies and frosting from scratch is delicious

- hearing my mother compliment me on my cooking skills makes me feel proud
- hot tubing is glorious, especially when it is freezing outside

mmm i love his kisses

- i apparently love to do bubble beards and this makes cute guy laugh

- sleeping in on saturdays are the best
- making a delicious egg turkey sandwich with momma j's homemade sweet salsa and coffee and making cute guy jealous was totally worth it

- this was the first saturday in a long time where i have been productive and not just laid on the couch, so proud of myself
- used the nail polish that was sent in my scarf swap, interesting color and texture but not too shabby
- finally finished my book i've been working on for the last month, i've been a terrible reader
- we spend a lot of money at the liquor store
- making dinner at home and drinking delicious wine is a preferred way to spend time with my cute guy

- sunday's are God's day and cute guy loves to make fun of me for saying this
- immortals was a good movie and sneaking our own food and drinks in made it even better
- made another batch of vodka gummies... so yummy
- love that cute guy loves watching the fights, aw how i've missed watching them and having someone who appreciates them as much as i do
- mimosas are a beautiful drink that should be drank more often, but not over drank like the margaritas were. bad news if it was
- i can easily top off a magnum bottle of champagne by myself. i am a champ
- painting cute guy's toes was a lot of fun, at least he has a sense of humor and patience with me!

so nothing too crazy this weekend, which i don't mind. i enjoy my relaxing weekends especially when they are spent with my darling cute guy. how was your weekend? what did you learn?

we can take it to the floor.

2011-11-11T09:15:00.001-07:00

thank god it's friday. i love my weekends, especially now that i have my own coffee pot, a sexy ass boyfriend and plenty of movies and tv shows to catch up on. tonight we are going to my parents so cute guy can get to know them better and meet my adorable nephew. if you meet him, you are pretty damn special. i am so protective over him, even my twin hasn't met him yet. not that she can't, because duh of course she can, just bad timing and schedules.

anyway.. last night we went to go watch my twin's son wrestling match. this kid has got mad skills for being six. it was awesome to be able to be there to support him and see the family. it's cute, the kids call cute guy ninja. they don't know his real name because my twin cannot for the life of her remember his name.. silly girl.

i snagged a video of his last match and a few pictures for your viewing pleasure.

you can hear his cute little sister in the background. love them.

see how much they love their aunt chelsea?!

he is adorable.

my favorite picture of me and the twin. i love her.

something i failed to mention because i'm a bad aunt [yes my twin's kids are my niece and nephew, even though we aren't blood] braxton asked me to come with him to his moms and muffins at school on this last tuesday since my twin had to work. i was able to pick him up, go to his class, meet his classmates and help him with some reading activities. i felt so special that my little guy wanted to take me over his grandma's or anyone else. i love him and hope he had just as much fun as i did!

and then last but not least, can't forget to wish one of my besties and favorite coworkers a happy birthday [from wednesday.. yes i'm terrible..]

have a wonderful weekend my loves!!! love your faces.

you're just to good to be true.

2011-11-09T13:13:00.001-07:00

after going to the doctor, having her scope out your lady business and not even offering to buy you a drink and then having you jabbed with needles, your day kinda slumps down. just say'n. so when i got back to work and heard my lovely gay boyfriend at work playing the ukulele, i had to immediately snag a video. enjoy my lovies. he has talent.

our manager got mad at how loud the music was because corporate is in the office today.. whoops!

love him. xoxo - missy.

TTUT - i'm on the right track.

2011-11-08T13:08:00.000-07:00

it's talk to us tuesday once again with my lover impulsive addict and the gorgeous seriously shawn. no rules. play along.

yesterday when i got off work, i walked into cute guys apartment with him putting together his table, with his shirt off. let me tell you something, this man has the most amazing body. i cracked open a beer, sat on the couch and just watched him. omg people. i could eat him up. mmmm. anyway.. it was about time he got his table, there was an empty spot in his apartment that needed to filled and it finally has been. i'm so proud of him.

i had something else i was going to post today but i feel like i need to talk about this instead.

three months ago, my life changed drastically. i lost something i loved, i hurt my body and embarrassed myself [read post here]. within those three months i've made drastic life changes. i feel, as if in a way, i'm a completely different person. i've learned to look at things in a new way and became vulnerable in a time when normally i am locked up and cold hearted.

i met someone who was understanding, patient, caring and thoughtful. someone who would smile so big every time he saw me. someone who would hug me and pull me in so close it felt like he was never going to let go. someone who waited three or so weeks to kiss me out of respect and understanding to my situation. this is someone who i've come to respect and care about throughout the time we've spent together. almost two months into seeing him, i feel comfortable enough with him to call him my boyfriend, to have him meet my nephew and really be apart of my life.

that smile makes my heart skip a beat

i know i posted that i missed boyfriend a little under a month ago, and i truly did. but over the last month, those feelings have gone away. i will always love boyfriend. he played a very important role in my life and even though we may have not been right for each other for the long run, we were right for each other for the time being. he is an amazing person and i truly hope he finds happiness wherever he goes. i know that i am finding it every day doing things that i love and spending time with people who truly appreciate me for me.

i'm starting a new chapter in my life and i'm excited to see where it heads. if i've learned anything through the last few years of my life, is that you can't plan anything. bumps are going to happen and it's how you learn to deal with them that makes the difference. how can we appreciate the really good things in life without the bad happening? ya it sucks, and i've had my fair share of bad shit, but when the good happens, it seems to balance out.

the grateful month has started and i'm grateful for cute guy and the role he is playing in my life.

xoxo - missy.

i'll dance with my hands above my head.

2011-11-07T10:46:00.000-07:00

hello my lovies. is it really monday again? the weekend went by far too quickly. well, it's time to hear what i learned this weekend.

- getting one of your girlfriends an interview at your work and then being sprung with the news it's her birthday means shopping after work to go out for her birthday
- getting the new lady gaga album from a guy you work with and falling in love with it is the perfect way to start your weekend
- i love express and their dresses/jewelry

cute guys phone doesn't do the best picture taking.. sorry for the bad quality

- aldo was my savior. thank you for the wonderful sales and sassy new boots and heels i was able to snag
- black is really my all time favorite color
- cute guy looks amazing all dressed up
- i feel like i look so grown up in this picture, like i've suddenly changed over night

- i love washington apples.. mmmmm
- dancing on a stage with my girlies reminds me of vegas times
- i've missed going out and getting all dressed up

happy birthday girl, love your face

- have three different people ask if cute guy and i were married, or should be married, was definitely interesting for both of us [second weekend in a row this has happened]

guess that's what happens when you are just that cute together

- having one of my girlfriends dating one of his guy friends was ironic and made me remember what a small world i live in, but love the fact that it's easy for all of us to hang out and get along

the birthday girl and her boy

- betos is beyond delicious when you have the drunchies
- waking up without a hangover is the best feeling ever
- waking up and not being able to fall back asleep when that's really all you want to be doing sucks
- seven eleven has yummy coffee.. need to get cute guy a coffee pot asap
- making vodka gummy bears takes way too much time
- getting to spend some time with my twin and her husband, while enjoying a delicious new mikes hard lemonade [so new it's not even on their website yet], in the middle of the afternoon, is fabulous
- taking cute guy out for his birthday two weeks later makes me feel like a terrible girlfriend

- i still strongly believe that sirloins are the worst steaks you could get at a steak house, shoulda gone with the rib eye damn it
- tried a new castle brown ale and enjoyed it
- also tried a new flavor of a four loko.. it was divine.. love those big alcoholic beverages

- met cute guys mom and saw the house he grew up in, he looks just like his mom.. so cute
- saw a picture of him when he was five... OMG people, the cutest little kid i've ever seen
- cuddling up and watching the matrix trilogy was our sunday adventure
- making plans with my bloggie soul mate to have me and cute guy come visit in january makes me soooooooooooo excited!!!!!!!!!
- loving the new tech nine album, who we may be going to see on wednesday
- trying the vodka gummy bears were interesting.. those suckers will get you drunk fast

the size they were before, then with the vodka soaked in them.. like three times the size

this weekend was so much fun, and i love spending time with cute guy. he really does make me so happy and as i told a fellow bloggie friend, he is my breath of fresh air. so glad he found his way into my life. how was your weekend? what did you learn?! xoxo - missy.

scarf swap 2011.

2011-11-04T12:48:00.000-06:00

krysten, my bloggie soul mate, over at why girls are weird decided to host a fall scarf swap. i was so excited for this since my last scarf swap went so well. my partner for that swap is still one of my all time favorite bloggie friends and i love her.

my partner for this swap is absolutely darling and i had a blast shopping for her. cute guy watched in awe as i bundled everything up in wrapping paper and wrote little notes for her. he also commented on how he loves my hand writing, which of course made me feel special. it's the little things right? when little miss holls received her package from me, she wrote me the sweetest email. hun, you are so welcome. as for my package i received from her, i absolutely loved it.

cute new necklace and earrings

purple and black comfy scarf.. yes please!

so excited to try this out. purple shiny.. yay!

all three together.

thanks again holly for the awesome stuff you sent!! happy fall. xoxo - missy.

it's a special day.

2011-11-03T10:45:00.000-06:00

today, is a very special day.

my absolutely adorable, sweet and loving nephew is turning one. i cannot believe that a year ago my gorgeous s-i-l was in the hospital in va popping out our little angel. a short week later we flew out to washington dc to see the latest addition to my family. i may start crying while i write this, so if it doesn't make sense, it's because i'm a blubbering mess.

at his baby blessing

so here we go.

dear cayden.

a year ago, you came into our families lives and changed everything forever. i never knew i could love something so much and still have that love grow. you aren't even my baby and yet i feel the strongest love and need to protect you. from the time you were born, you have been so curious about anything and everything. when you were only a few months old, you would try so hard to keep your eyes open so that you could see everyone that was talking. you had to be involved with everything! you would stick your tongue out at me when i would stick mine out at you and you loved to cuddle up.

the older you have gotten, the more excited about life you have become. you love feeling the textures of everything around you. you are obsessed with lights and fans. you love to look at books, play the piano and open drawers or cabinets. you love your sippy water cup. you will fight to the death for your binky and you are such a mamas boy. oh and such grandpas boy. you love seeing other babies and kids but definitely like your alone time too.

the last few months of having you live with us has been such a blessing. i love seeing your smiling happy face and hearing you ramble on about nothing. i love your little monkey face when you go "ooooooo" and my absolute favorite thing you do, is how unbelievably excited you get when you see me. i love how fast you try to crawl towards me and the big hugs and kisses you give me. i love when you give me that slobbery kiss and talk to me while you do it.

the most important thing though, my sweet little boy, is that you were born into the most amazing family. your parents will guide and teach you to the best of their ability. you will never not know what if feels like to be loved. you are so special and you bring life into everyone around you. you are so sweet, caring and you love to share. you teach me something new every day and i can't wait till you can be the best older brother and cousin.

i love you bubba. happy birthday baby.

xoxo - aunt chelsea

red is the color of your energy.

2011-11-02T13:42:00.000-06:00

ok so i may have switched up the lyrics to that a little bit but just go with it.

cute guy and i were in the middle of a discussion today about our personalities which lead to the color test. you know, the one where it tells you if you are red, blue, white or yellow type personalities? he had no idea what i was talking about so i was determined to show him.

after spending some time googling the color tests, i found two different websites [here and here] and tested on both of them. the first website is more of a trial test. it still gives you your highest color match but will not go into depth about where you placed with the three other colors. my first results are as follows.

reds (motive: power)

reds are motivated by power. theyseek productivity and need to look good to others. simply stated, reds wanttheir own way. they like to be in the driver's seat and willingly pay the priceto be in a leadership role. reds value whatever gets them ahead in life,whether it be in their careers, school endeavors, or personal life. what redsvalue, they get done. they are often workaholics. they will, however, resistdoing anything that doesn't interest them.

reds like to be right. they valueapproval from others for their intelligence and practical approach to life, andwant to be respected for it. reds are confident, proactive, and visionary; andbut can also be arrogant, selfish, and insensitive. when you deal with a red,be precise, factual, direct, and show no fear!

the second website gives a little more information and will also let you see what the meanings of the other colors are. of course my second test results match my first one.

you have a red personality.

reds are hungry for power

simply stated, reds want their own way. if they have beenraised in environments where they were able to manipulate their parents andsiblings, they become difficult to manage as they get older. when the havegotten their way for too long, reds find it almost impossible to relinquishtheir power and freedom when they meet authorities in society (teachers,bosses, police, clergy, military officers) who refuse to grant them the totalcontrol they demand.

reds want to be productive

reds like to work-in school, in their careers, and in theirrelationships. just don't expect them to attach the same importance to thingsother people care about-like other people's schooling, careers, and marriages.but give them a reason to produce, and watch them take off. reds like to getthe job done. they are often workaholics. they will however, resist being forcedto do anything that doesn't interest them.

reds want to look good to others

reds need to appear knowledgeable. they crave approval fromothers for their intelligence and insight. they want to be respected even morethan they want to be loved. they want to be admired for their logical,practical minds. when you deal with a red, be precise and factual. reds areunmoved by tears and other displays of weakness.

reds shouldn't be taken too seriously

reds are often just stating the facts as they see them,despite their antagonistic demeanor. they seldom say in my opinion beforestating their opinions. i have seen too many blues, whites, and yellows becomegreatly concerned over issues raised by reds, only to discover later that theywere simply interested in debating. reds enjoy a good power play. but once youget emotionally involved arguing issues, you may be disappointed and frustratedto find that a red is no longer interested.

reds seek leadership opportunities

despite the rigidity of the military, many young red men andwomen select it as a career in order to experience leadership. reds are oftencontrol freaks. they like to be in the driver's seat. red children are oftenfrustrated in school because teachers (often blue per) won't let them takecharge. if a red can get the upper hand, he or she will. reds are willing topay any price for an opportunity to lead.

i find it interesting that both tests show the same color. i've always known that i was a red and a yellow from the many color tests i've taken before, but maybe with age i'm growing more into red like my pops. pops is a red through and through. some say i'm his mini me, which is a huge compliment to me. i love my pops and look up to him with the greatest respect.

so tell me, what color are you? xoxo - missy.

TTUT - what i know.

2011-11-01T14:14:00.000-06:00

time for round eight of talk to us tuesday. my lover impulsive addict and the gorgeous seriously shawn host this every tuesday with a mr. linky and the best part is there are no rules. my kinda game. just sayin'

so since i didn't get to do my normal post on monday about what i learned over the weekend, i am going to post about it today.

- i get stressed over the small stuff super easy, even with my medication in full swing
- walmart is the worst place ever. damn their cheap prices
- i have missed doing fun crazy makeup and enjoyed the look i pulled off for my 20's flapper girl

- nothing beats good drinks, good friends and good music
- i get a little shy and bitchy when i don't know anyone or don't feel comfortable in my surroundings. once someone is nice to me though, i instantly warm up and am the sweet charming person i am.. hahahah
- falling asleep with cute guy is amazing. he is a very good cuddler and that is a must to me
- i'm becoming addicted to ghost adventures. zak bagans? yes please
- saturday and sunday are my rest days. i will be as lazy as i possibly can, while i can
- wearing a conductors hat and taking pictures with cute guy makes me smile

- watching the ufc fights on saturday and seeing bj penn retire was one of the many highlights of my night
- i was reminded how much i want a little french bulldog. i already have his name picked out for when i get him

cute guys best friends new dog, wallace. a white french bulldog puppy. omg he is adorable

- i truly am a beer girl
- scarves are my favorite accessory during the winter
- friends who love sushi equals great double dates
- watching movies about things that could happen, kinda freak me out (limitless, source code etc)
- i hate how far i live from work and cute guy, this is going to have to change asap
- having to go to work on monday mornings suck balls. just sayin'

so not as an intense weekend as some that i've posted, but over all it was a great time. it was nice to meet cute guys friends and it was a big bonus that we all get along so well. hope you had a wonderful halloween weekend and that you enjoy your first day of november. the count down for my birthday begins today! twenty three more days till i'm one year older and wiser too. xoxo - missy.

everyone hail to the pumpkin song.

2011-10-31T11:59:00.000-06:00

happy halloween everyone. i feel like this is the most festive i have been on halloween since i was a teenager. i've been watching ghost stories, dressing up and enjoying the fall cool weather. cute guy and i had a blast this weekend, and though i normally do a "what i learned over the weekend" post on mondays, i feel like since this is a special day i will be saving that post for tomorrow.

not only is today halloween, but it is also my best friend in the entire worlds birthday. this woman means the absolute world to me and i would be so lost without her. she is the sister i've never had, the mom i sometimes need and the best friend who fits everything a best friend should be. i love her and hope that today is the most wonderful day for her. happy birthday twin, you are the best!

friday night was spent in costume, enjoying delicious drinks, captain morgan tattoo and coke - no more margaritas for me, and good company. i made new friends, shook my ass and had plenty of kisses from my fireman.

kisses all around

cute guy kept taking pictures of me all night long, silly man

the flapper girl with her fireman.. you know how we roll

dos equis, justin bieber, a perverted fireman, the hunchback and a pimp. doesn't get better than this

jen, the sexy gypsy

the captian seems to make me want to give jen a lap dance

how was your halloween weekend? love to see all your fun costumes and hear your stories. love your faces. xoxo - missy.

friday nonsense.

2011-10-28T13:22:00.001-06:00

it's the weekend of halloween and even though it isn't my favorite holiday, i may be a little excited for tonight. cute guy is taking me to meet his friends for the first time at a halloween party. since he surprised me with the news wednesday night, i only had two days to figure out a costume. many things ran through my mind with the possibilities of what i could do with makeup, but i ended up going with a 20's flapper girl costume.

pictures will be coming on monday. hopefully all goes well tonight and no creepy things happen. with my luck though i'm sure something is bound to happen. have a good, spooky weekend!! xoxo - missy.

oh.. and i forgot to add the hilarious text from cute guy yesterday..

why trick or treating is better than sex.

10. you are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack
9. if you get tired, you can wait ten minutes and go at it again
8. the uglier you look, the easier it is to get some
7. you don't have to compliment the person who gives you some
6. it's ok when the person you're with fantasizes you're someone else because you are
5. twenty years from now you'll still enjoy candy
4. if you don't like what you get, you can always go next door
3. it doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning
2. less guilt the morning after

and the number one reason why trick or treating is better than sex...

1. you can do the whole neighborhood!!!!

i can see clearly now the rain is gone.

2011-10-27T14:49:00.000-06:00

well the move is final. after almost a full day of sitting around with nothing to do and waiting for the movers to bring everything to our new building, i am finally connected. now just need my printer/scanner and i will be good to go. i must say, even though i now have to be in a cub instead of my office, the cub isn't that bad. it is bigger than i expected and i have a window. a nice window view i might add. the only two things i may feel like complaining about is the noise level i will now have to deal with and the parking. it takes me five minutes to walk to my building from the freaking parking lot. that is definitely going to suck when it's snowing outside.

my view

last night was so relaxing. after spending a few hours finishing up shopping for the blog swap i'm working on, i went to cute guys apartment, had dinner, drank some yummy beers and put my swap partners package together. i'm loving everything i sent her and am hoping she loves it too!! he really is so cute. tomorrow we are going to a halloween party and are in the middle of picking out our costumes. should be interesting.. i'll keep you posted.

he wanted me to reassure you that he was not high, just has sensitive eyes

we make funny faces sometimes when we get bored..

anywho, i best get some work done today since i have been sitting around doing absolutely nothing all day. oh and did i mention that cute guys apartment is like five minutes from where my new building is?! loooove that. the less driving i have to do means the more sleep i get. that, i do love. plus falling asleep with a very cute guy doesn't hurt either. xoxo - missy.

how can you expect me to grow when you won't let me blow.

2011-10-26T13:38:00.000-06:00

today is a busy day. not only because i woke up sick as a dog and didn't get into work until 1:00pm... thank goodness my boss is an amazing person and super understanding. but today is moving day for my work. we are finally moving into the building where the rest of our co-workers have been my entire time at this company. i am a little upset with this move because i don't get my own office anymore and now have to be social with everyone else. boo. jk, i am social but i love being able to come in my office and shut my door. plus with all the paperwork i have to do, it is going to be hard to switch to a cubicle. it is going to be a mess around my desk. hopefully my department learns to love it!

anyway, i kind of had an experience last night that was one of the things i worked on in therapy. cute guy came over to my house last night and after eating dinner we went up to my room to watch a movie. my dad comes up to my room when they are finished with their movie and freaks out that we are in my room. first off, we have been in my room multiple times before that, with pops permission mind you, and second off, i'm almost twenty four for gods sakes. after he stormed down the stairs and into his room, the guilt instantly set in. poor cute guy. i ended up asking him to leave early because i felt so bad.

this is an exact case of what we talked about in therapy. not letting what others say or think get to me and let it bring me down. this is my life, they need to trust me, and even if they don't understand or get what i do with my life, try to accept me. i am still a good person and am trying to live my life without having someone bombard me with what is acceptable and what isn't! anyway, to say the least, i will not be inviting cute guy, or any other boy for that matter, over to my parents house again. it is not worth the humiliation of being talked to like i'm seventeen or them having to see that i still get treated that way.

on my way into work this morning the only thing i could think of was that episode in friends where monica, phoebe and rachel read that book "be your own wind keeper". the book talks about how men still your wind and how we freely give it up as women. i was thinking about how this plays out a lot but not just with men. how we give our power and our mindset to other people in our lives. how our day could be going amazingly and then that person cuts you off and you instantly get angry and it affects the rest of your day. we, all of us, need to be tougher and remember how amazing we are and that it is up to us to choose our attitudes and our moods. yes, other people are allowed to have an opinion, doesn't mean we have to let it affect us. something i am still working on.

ugh, family. you can't live with them and can't live without them. don't get me wrong, i love them dearly and do my best to understand where they are coming from. just wish they would do the same for me. anyway, off to finish packing up my office and getting ready to for the move. have a wonderful hump day! xoxo - missy.

TTUT - oh em gee.

2011-10-25T15:25:00.000-06:00

that is how cute guy types it out. normally that kind of thing would bother me, but i'm rather starting to enjoy his random and odd quirks of spelling things. like el oh el. i still hate that though. anyway, it is talk to us tuesday, round seven. can you believe it's been seven weeks of this? i know crazy right? big shout out to my lover impulsive addict and the gorgeous seriously shawn for hosting this lovely little link up with absolutely no rules. best part about it. loooove it. play along yes?

since i can talk about anything i want, that is exactly what i'm going to do. whenever something seriously drastic happens in my life, i have this urge for drastic change to myself. i.e. hair, tattoos, piercings, cars, wardrobe.. the list goes on. so i have already accomplished a few of those things since my last drastic change in my life.

after the break up with boyfriend, which was indeed drastic and dramatic, i...

pretty much got a new car. after the accident it is like brand new, no, better than new. so shiny and uber clean. even though i still think it's a hot wheels car, i'm learning to love it more.

finished a new tattoo in a different area on my body and have set up my appointment to finish the other one i started almost six months ago... whoops. i have not shared that one yet because i'm waiting till it is finished to show it.

pierced my tongue, which is healing but omg people. it hurts like a mother. i'm popping tylenol like it's candy. eating anything is a bitch. it hurts sooo bad. you wonder why i would put myself through this pain? because i am morbid and i live for it. i love it. plus once the pain and the slurring of words goes away, it will be all worth it.

went shopping about a month ago and splurged on some jewelry, work clothes and new jeans. now i just need to suck it up and go buy some winter clothes.. ugh.

now the last thing that i really need to work on is my hair. i've been saying that i'm growing it back out, but i'm honestly not sure if that will happen. i did dye it on saturday but i am in need of something exciting. maybe some really bold high lights, bangs or chop it again? hmm.. what are your thoughts?

cute guy says i look good with both and thinks i should do whatever i want, typical guy who likes you response. so i'm coming to my bloggie loves because who is more honest than strangers that aren't really strangers? exactly. no one. so let's hear it. grow it long? chop it short again? leave it be? add bangs? add crazy highlights? attached are what i look like with all the above suggestions.

a: the bangs, from 2005 with long hair

b: my super short hair from last july

c: my long hair from january 2009 on my way to viva las vegas!

d: the drastic highlights january 2010

e: the drastic a-line which you can't really see the back, but you can see the length in front

f: current length and yes, i have posted this picture before but i kinda love it.

apparently i love the duck face.. just deal with it. it's the hair you need to be looking at! so with that said, let the voting begin!! which look do you think i should go for to complete my drastic changes to me? xoxo - missy.

if you can handle it.

2011-10-24T14:36:00.000-06:00

that is what my body piecer told me on saturday in referring to me eating normal food. i was like, duh of course i can handle it. ha! read on my friends.. it's time for the what i learned this weekend!

- getting iced by your fellow swag ceo sucks

greg, the other ceo of swag who iced me. damn bastard.

- after finding the smirnoff ice and remembering what it means to get iced

[v]. the act of drinking a smirnoff ice on one knee as fast as you can, following the presentation of the 'ice' in a clever manner. thanks to urbandictionary for this definition

- downing the smirnoff ice like a champ, while everyone is cheering for you, is awesome

- taking a road trip to willard on a friday night is fantastic

- hitting one way traffic on the way home, not so much

- push in lights are my new favorite house accessory. who needs to flip a switch you and just push it in and out?!

- hearing greg tell the story of them going to see paranormal activity three, while katie is drunk, is beyond hilarious
- don't leave a cute little puppy in the car while you are in walmart trying to buy margarita mix and a scary movie, she will eat your left over six inch sandwich and greg will yell and curse loudly

- some men can't handle a strong drink, come on. seriously, man up!

- mango margarita mix is delicious
- spending friday night with swag makes me laugh so hard i have a cough attack

- i'm stronger than i think

- i'm over margaritas. every weekend for the last month? time for a new drink please

- waking up in your swimsuit to your twin calling you a billion times makes you remember how awesome the night before was
- puking water in your car while driving is not the best situation, at least it was just water
- getting your tongue pierced hurts worse the next day then it does when it is actually getting pierced

- a shoulder tattoo does not hurt. at all. if you are looking for the pain that so many of us tattoo addicts are addicted too, you will not find it on your shoulder

i didn't get to get a good picture of it before he wrapped it up. i'll get one that you can see it better on her

ours looks better than hers.

- i've missed my tattoo artist and his new baby bay is unbelievably adorable

- not having nails on makes my fingers feel really small and tiny
- missing cute guy while he was in vegas was a little bit of an awakening for me
- make sure you ask your waiter/ress if the wine on their menu is out of a bottle or a box. if it is out of a box, don't order it. even if it does have fifteen gold medals. my twin learned the hard way
- trying to eat food, even soup or mashed potatoes, with a tongue ring in, is more difficult than you would think

- spending one on one time with my twin is always a good time

- having matching tattoos and tongue piercings makes us even that much more a like. i love her very much

- getting adorable texts from cute guy while he was in vegas made me miss him even more

- i miss being in my big car, small cars are overrated
- spending all day in bed on sunday watching movies and drinking ginormous slurpees is extremely relaxing and comforting
- getting a random text from a best guy friend you haven't talked to in a while, telling you you are fantastic, reminds you that even though sometimes you may feel alone, you really are never alone

brigham and me 10/15/2011

- i missed my nephew and his big slobbery kisses while they were in bear lake
- getting a great big hug and kiss from cute guy sunday night made my entire weekend that much better
- spending the last part of cute guys birthday with him makes me feel special. happy birthday, yesterday, you old man you
- curling up on the couch watching american horror story and once upon a time with cute guy makes me feel safe and happy

what did you learn this weekend? xoxo - missy.

yellow diamonds in the sky.

2011-10-21T14:40:00.000-06:00

cute guy is in vegas this weekend for his birthday. i'm a little sad that i don't get to see him but we are going to do a birthday night next week to celebrate. he sent me this little beauty while driving himself to viva las vegas.

aww so precious right? i know. he makes me smile, even if his face is a little scruffy. oh did i tell you he calls me babydoll? yup. i absolutely adore that. so i had to of course send him a picture back.

yes that is my scarf on top of my head and a delicious beer in my hand.

guess what? i got my car back, finally! after a month of being in my rental car i finally have my little hotwheels car back. she looks better than new and smells delicious on the inside. maybe the good things are going to start rolling in now.. i mean my birthday is coming up.. almost one month till the exact date. i may or may not have a surprise for you on monday. have to see how things go this weekend. just don't hold your breath. i'd hate to be responsible for you passing out. unless it was because we were doing shots or drinking too much beer. then i'd high five you when you woke up and maybe even do a fist pump.

anyway.. it's friday. thank god. time to turn up the jams, put on your cowboy hats, pour the tequila and drink some beer!! my favorite pop song right now? probably not a big surprise that it is rihanna we found love. i love the beginning of that video where she says,

"i saw you screaming and no one can hear

you almost feel ashamed that someone could be that important

that without them you feel like nothing

no one will ever understand how much it hurts

you feel hopeless

like nothing can save you

and when it's over and it's gone

you almost wish that you could have all that bad stuff back

so you could have the good"

well put rihanna, it's like you read my mind. you kick ass and i will be listening to you on the big speakers while drinking my margaritas with the swag crew. have a good weekend my lovelies! hope it is filled with a lot of good and no bad, unless it's the good kind of bad. you know what i'm talking about. my weekend is starting right now with my purple aviators, my diet pepsi and my headphones.

xoxo - missy.

you keep me rockin' all of the time.

2011-10-20T11:53:00.001-06:00

first off, i want to thank all of you for your sweet comments and reassuring words on my post yesterday. i felt so much better after posting that and having a talk with my girl kelsey. all i can do is be grateful boyfriend and his mom are ok and pray for the girls family that they will be able to move on and be ok. bad things happen, but so do good. sometimes it's hard to remember the good things that happen because the bad seem to outweigh them. my hypnotherapist told me that it takes a 1000 positive things to even out the one bad thing. crazy right? i took a moment to step back and remember the good things about yesterday.

a guy opened my door for me and gave me a beautiful smile
my frequent gas station runs to get my diet pepsi fix, the guy always makes conversation and tells me to have a good day
there isn't any snow on the ground yet and the sun is still shining oh so bright
i have a great relationship with my boss who calls in to make sure i'm doing ok with everything and says uplifting things to make me feel better
cute guy from my building coming to say hi and give me a great big hug
my mom calling to say she loves my toes
that even in the bad moments, tears and frustration, i can still smile, laugh and bring joy to others
spending time with a child makes the bad moments in your life seem non existent

the list could go on, but it's those small things that are so wonderful that we forget about because of the one bad thing that seems to be hovering over us. it's how we take that situation and handle it which makes all the difference. a guy i used to work with used to always say, "you choose your attitude" and it has always stuck with me. anytime i'm really struggling, i try to make a list of all the great things in my life. the list continues to get bigger even though the bad keeps coming.

like i've said before, my blog is freedom to me. i love being able to vent and say whatever i want on here because to me it really does make a difference in my life.

well enough of this sob life story business. hope this video makes you laugh. i was trying to get cute guy in my building, who i think i will just refer to as cute guy to make it easier, to sing an oldies song with me. he gets shy and his reactions just make me laugh.

xoxo - missy.

dark days.

2011-10-19T14:10:00.000-06:00

i don't really have a lot to say today, except for that i am hurting. i hate doing posts that are negative, because i don't write these looking for any kind of sympathy. everyone has their bad days, problems and misfortunes. i'm not saying mine are any worse or any better then theirs. what i am saying is that it is ok to every once in a while have a post about the negative things that are going on. at least i need to. it helps get things off my chest. it helps me really go over what is happening and keep moving forward.

it isn't a big surprise to most of my readers when i say that i still miss boyfriend. that is his name to me and i cannot change it. even though he is not my boyfriend anymore, that is still his name. just go with it. a few weeks back i found out that my twin and her husband spent a night hanging out with him. now it is more frequent. i feel like i've gotten a divorce and have to split the kids for the weekend. i get them one night and he gets them the other. i have never had to deal with this before with an ex. it is extremely hard. i have to hear about him all the time. how he is doing, who he is dating.. etc.

then this morning my twin wouldn't leave my phone alone until i finally answered. boyfriend got in a car crash yesterday that killed the other person. it was her fault. i cannot even imagine having to go through that. he and his mom are ok but his truck is totaled. you can read the story here and here. my heart aches for him and the girls family. there is nothing fair about that at all.

it is kind of ironic to me that both of us keep going through terrible life experiences. car accidents, body injuries, death.. he told my twin this morning, "when will the bad things stop happening?" and i would like to ask god the exact same question.

one bad thing after another keeps happening and i'm getting to the point of not knowing how to power through it anymore. most the time i feel numb. not sure how to handle it. knowing there is nothing i can do about it but take it and move on. that is what you do with the problems in life right?

like i said, i'm not looking for sympathy. i'm venting. i needed to get this off my chest. my life could be so much worse, but at the rate i'm going, it is going to get to that point. is it bad i'm waiting for the next bad thing to happen? losing my job? a death in the family? another car accident that will be more fatal? being told i have cancer? it's really hard not to think about at this point.

i know everything will be ok, but sometimes you just need to vent and say, "fuck it. i'm not ok today and this is exactly how i'm feeling."

xoxo - missy.

TTUT - wobble baby wobble.

2011-10-18T11:48:00.000-06:00

it's time for talk to us tuesday once again.. amazing how fast time goes by right?! anyway, there are no rules to this fun little link up sesh so i'm posting a video today. don't forget to link up with my lover impulsive addict and the gorgeous seriously shawn.

have you heard this song yet? when i went to vegas for one of my besties bachelorette party, our friend v taught us this dance. it seriously is the best. doesn't that beat just wanna make you shake your ass? no? it's just me? oh well. i'll shake my booty anytime i want.

get your wobble on baby!

xoxo - missy.

kick off your sunday shoes.

2011-10-17T10:58:00.000-06:00

i've been doing a little bit of recaps on mondays from my weekend on what i learned.. this weekend was a little more relaxed and no pictures were taken, so please, bare with me.

- sitting on my twins kitchen counter drinking a glass of wine, just us talking, is something i miss terribly
- my nephews smile is by far the best part of my day
- going to see footloose at 1130 pm on a friday with a best guy friend is always a good idea
- throwing popcorn at each during the movie, not always the best idea
- i have a new celeb crush, kenny wormald, yes please
- watching the leaves change and the mountains turn to fall colors really is absolutely beautiful
- i'm more like my dads mom than i ever realized
- my friends have turned me into a tv addict. i have now added three new shows to the list i watch every week
- i have extremely weird dreams
- i feel a sense of accomplishment when everything is clean and organized in my life
- i'm growing my hair back out and remembered why i always go back to cutting it, the stage it is at is a pain in the butt
- i'm overly excited for this weekend and the surprise i have coming up
- texting blogger friends makes me laugh
- i used to love sleeping on the couch but lately? i hate it. i love my bed and hate it when i can't sleep in it
- getting back massages when you don't feel good makes you feel good, thanks cute guy from my building
- my sister in law cracks me up, especially when i listen to her and my brother talk. they are perfect for each other and i can't believe they have been together for three years already
- i love being super lazy on sundays

so like i said, kind of a boring weekend, but it was nice and relaxing. how was your weekend? xoxo - missy.

no matter how hard you'll try, these words won't save me.

2011-10-14T19:19:00.000-06:00

this song has been on repeat ever since i found this amazing band. since so many of you have told me you miss my doodles, here you are. enjoy. happy friday. xoxo - missy.

emarosa - we are life.

we are life.

2011-10-13T19:34:00.002-06:00

to me, music is a way of life. i'm living life when i feel alive listening to them scream, or feel the pain in her lyrics. when i day dream of being surrounded in this song, almost like i'm falling and being pushed into a new world. when every song they sing warms my very being. when driving in the car, i always find my happy place here. every song has a memory. some are good, some are painful, some are amazing, some bring tears and some are down right awesomeness.

to me, reading a book is escaping the real world. when i read this series, i feel jealousy and desire. when i read her series, i feel empowered and like i can be just like her. when i read, my brain tunes out the entire world around me. i can smell, see and feel whatever it is that is going on in my book. it is my sanctuary.

to me, doodling is art. even though my doodles are quotes, thoughts, random stick figures or whatever it is on my mind, it is my art. my lyrics are art. my quotes are art. i am art.

to me, makeup is becoming beautiful and expressing oneself. i feel beautiful when i don't have makeup on but there is something that sparks inside me when i have my face done. i love watching my girls faces after i finish a face on them and seeing the excitement in their eyes. hearing, "wow that is me?!" makes my heart flutter.

to me, blogging is freedom. i have the right to say, do and act how i want without a damn person being able to stop me or attempt to control me. i don't have to hide behind a facade because i'm afraid what someone will think or say about me. why? because i don't care. i honestly don't. i'm better than letting them get to me. i'm worth more than that. this blog is worth more than that. my readers are worth more than that.

to me, love is a roller coaster that will never end. it will always have it's ups and downs. you will get scared, get butterflies, feel excited and want to pee your pants all at the same time. just because one ride ends doesn't mean another one won't be starting sooner than you think. remember that guy in high school that broke your heart? you are so over him. remember the ex? you are so over him. that last guy? you will so be over him and a new one will replace him when you're ready. love is overrated until you find the right one, then it's underrated.

working late hours tonight and these things were on my mind from the crazy week i've had. i could go on and on about music, literature and love but i really feel like this covers it. xoxo - missy.

bubbles bubbles bubbles.

2011-10-12T10:57:00.001-06:00

what happens when you take this face,

yes that is the same person, dr. jekyll and mr. hyde people.

and add a hot tub that is full of bubbles?

you get bubble santa clause!

it was about time jacer babe and i got to spend some time together. it has been like six months since i've seen him and regardless of the time apart we spend, we are still as close as ever. he makes me laugh and i just love our time together. after a nice hot tub sesh we watched sons of anarchy, omg that episode last night was intense!

good friends make all the difference in the world. i'm so lucky to have the ones i do. oh and happy hump day!! xoxo - missy.

TTUT - sake bomb tutorial.

2011-10-11T15:36:00.001-06:00

omg people. seriously? you don't know what a sake bomb is!? i even made a link for you. come on now. well, it is talk to us tuesday again, with my lover impulsive addict and gorgeous seriously shawn. no rules, no real obligations, well besides playing with mr. linky, which does in fact sound dirty. so since i can talk about whatev i want i'm going to tell you how to do an awesome sake bomb.

first, before we get into the awesomeness which is that of a sake bomb, i have to say a big thanks to my secret work club members and kelsey, for being a huge support system to me yesterday. i had a very bad day, with crying and fighting with a loved one. i hate that and they helped me feel better. i'm so very lucky to have friends close by in my times of need. side note, please don't mind the puffy eyes and no make up in the pictures. as i said, it was a rough day.

since i had sushi on saturday and obviously didn't get my fix for it and due to me having a bad day, we decided to go get sushi at red ginger. there were songs to be sang in the car, dancing like mad men and sake bombs to be had. don't worry, they had no idea what a sake bomb was either.

i had been tattooed with swag on my hand for the evening.

getting ready to get our sake bomb and sushi on

the other half of swag

sake bomb, round two.

the definition of a sake bomb:

"the sake bomb or sake bomber is a beer cocktail made by pouring sake into a shot glass and dropping it into a glass of beer. sometimes two chopsticks are placed parallel on top of the glass of beer, and the shot glass is carefully balanced between them. the drinker then chants "sake...sake...sake...SAKE!" and slams the table with his fists, causing the sake to fall into the beer.^[1] it should be drunk immediately, and works best with warm sake. alternatively, the drinker may count to three in Japanese, "ichi...ni...san...SAKE BOMB!" or he may simply yell "KANPAI!" a variation of the sake bomb is to "bomb" a shot of warm sake into chilled red bull energy drink."

i've done it where we use the chop sticks, dropped the glass in our selves or poured it into the beer, depending on how big the sake cup is. even if you aren't a beer drinking it is still delicious. so next time you are at a japanese restaurant, order a large sapporo and a large warm sake, if they have purple haze that is my favorite, and get your sake bomb on.

so all you non sake bombers, get out there and sake sake sake!! xoxo - missy.