if only..

think back on a terrible moment in your life when you couldn't understand why you were going through that moment. the pain was unbearable. the thought of getting out of bed was the hardest thing you had to do. you could feel that empty hollow spot in your heart where the broken pieces were drifting around trying desperately trying to piece themselves back together. can you remember the pit in your stomach, the feeling of complete and utter loneliness? you felt like you were drifting into a dark abyss that you couldn't pull yourself out of.

then one day you could feel those broken pieces mending, the pit in your stomach was slowly drifting away and that dark abyss you were drifting into started to have light. you had finally snapped back into reality and the thought of getting out of bed wasn't so difficult. the pain you were feeling wasn't as unbearable as you once thought and the loneliness didn't seem so heavy. you started to see things differently. life had a new meaning.

each of us deal with situations like this differently. maybe your situation wasn't as extreme; maybe it was even worse than described above. either way you pulled yourself out of it. you did it. each time we are given a trial it is to remind us how strong we truly are. every trial, or burden, is a blessing in disguise. a lesson needed to be learned.

i remember having a conversation with a friend a month or so ago, venting about how picked on i felt with my current situation. he looked at me and said, "i wish i had your problems." i will never forget that sentence, that moment. it is true that sometimes life really blows and other times you feel like you're floating on cloud nine. either way, someone out there would give anything to take on your problems instead of theirs.

i remind myself of that conversation anytime i start to feel picked on. when i start to feel that loneliness or the dark abyss start to come into my life. i remind myself how truly lucky i am. i will even make a list on a piece of paper to put it into perspective. oh how many pros out way the cons. one of the gifts we were given when we came to this lovely little planet was the choice of free agency. to make our own decisions. each situation we put ourselves in is exactly that. WE put ourselves into it. we chose it. sometimes the choice was never ours, but it is our choice on how to react to that situation.

with what has been going on, i've been running through mixed emotions. one day is pure bliss and the next it feels like i can barely hold myself up. then i remember.. "if only i had your problems." i am blessed beyond measure. i have kind, loving, supporting friends. i have amazing parents who love me unconditionally. i have a wonderful job with bosses who are willing to do whatever they can to help me when it's needed and give me praise. i was able to keep my little milo and he keeps me company during the nights that feel the loneliest. i have my health, all five sense and a personality.

those are just a few things that always make the top of my list. the most important things to me and my life. next time you are feeling that awful moment, try to remember someone out there is thinking.. "if only i had your problems."