addiction is real.
denial is real.
struggle is real.
pain is real.
suffering is real.
lying and deceiving is real.
love is real.
support is real.
strength is real.
honestly and trust are real.
faith and hope are real.
God, or a Higher Power, is real.
these are a few things i've come to learn over the past year, and more specifically over the past month. it is amazing to find out who your truest friends, and family, are when you are at your lowest point in life. when you've hit your rock bottom and feel like there is no where else to turn, those are the people who will be there reaching their arms out to pull you up. to hug you and tell you everything is going to be ok even when it feels like it isn't going to be.
even though you may have that amazing support system, it is up to you to be strong. to remember who you are and what you are capable of. more often then not, we tend to forget how incredible each of us are and what we can offer to the world, or even just our community. it is easy to get down on ourselves or fall into a complacent lifestyle thinking, "this is it" or believing it is a routine and nothing is wrong with it.
i had that mindset until four weeks ago. i made a very stupid mistake, put not only myself but others at risk/danger and i paid the price for it. over the past few weeks i've been evaluating everything in my life.
who can i trust?
who will be there at 3:00 am to talk to me when i'm having a break down?
who will uplift me rather than try to bring me down, or be a bad influence on me?
who really has my best interest at heart?
i've had to cut people out of my life and yes it hurts, but at the same time, with where i'm at, i cannot afford to have that negativity, unfaithfulness (i.e. lying, hiding, deceit) in my life. with where i plan on going and what i plan on doing with my life, i need those who will be there to make me laugh, uplift and push me to be better.
as of right now, i know who those people are and i cannot thank God enough for them. my parents have been extremely supportive through all of this and have done nothing but love and support me. something that took me by surprise for how i've treated, judged and pushed them away. i find myself constantly apologizing and letting them know how much they are appreciated. it is so amazing, when you have a clear mind, the things you recognize that you didn't before.
each time something bad happens, or it feels like the world is doing everything it can to push me back down, i remind myself that i am strong. i am powerful. i am in charge and i will NOT let those negative things, or people, try to take away what i deserve. true happiness.
to my friends, strangers, family - i am finally finding that happiness i've been missing in my life for so long. oh how wonderful life is, and can be, if we let ourselves find that beauty. this is one of my favorite quotes i read when i'm having a bad day, or a bad moment.
"the ship of my life may or may not be sailing on calm and amiable seas. the challenging days of my existence may or may not be bright and promising. stormy or sunny days, glorious or lonely nights, i maintain an attitude of gratitude. if i insist on being pessimistic, there is always tomorrow. today i am blessed."
- maya angelou
i hope that you have a wonderful weekend - i love you.
oh, and so does cayden :)