we'll walk away from this dark room for the last time.

**i started writing this on june 28th but was missing some information on my great grandma**

today my friends, my heart is filled with sorrow. i woke up this morning to some terrible news.

if you haven't heard, utah and the surrounding states have been having major fire issues. my dad's parents were evacuated from their home and are safe, for now. but i still had a feeling in my stomach something wasn't right. i was right. i'll give you a brief history before i go into detail. forewarning - this could get long.

i've talked a lot about my feelings towards my mothers side of the family and how i have a hard time with them. the one thing i don't know if i've shared, sorry mother if this upsets you, is that my real grandfather died when my mom was only 15/16. she was the second oldest of seven. when my grandmother remarried, to a wonderful man, we started to lose contact with my moms dad's family. fyi: chances are if you are a brockbank and you live in utah, we are related somewhere down the line.

please forgive me if it feels like i'm rambling. it's been a cray stressful morning and between the near panic attacks, the anxiety medication and crying, it's been hard to focus.

my great grandfather, my biological grandfathers father, was an extremely intelligent, talented smart and well respected man. he held a high position in the mormon religion and helped many young men with their lives. he had an extreme sense of humor and i think when his death came, it hit my dad the hardest. they had quite the connection. i don't remember him to well as i was still a young child at the time, but i remember he loved to listen to me play the piano.i truly wish i was able to get to know him better. you can read more about him here, here and here. you can also watch videos of his talks on youtube. also i promise he used to smile.

my post isn't necessarily to express how much i miss my great grandfather, it's more to remember his second wife, frances morgan brockbank. last night she passed away in her sleep in the home she was living at. i still remember the last time i saw her on our road trip from arkansas. i was dating my ex fiance at the time and she ranted on and on how great it was i was going to marry a doctor and that he was just so handsome. she also told me to never put any of my loved ones in an old folks home, because people go there to die.

frances was always an extremely opinionated woman. i have a distinct memory of being between the ages of 8-10 and saying mexican for whatever reason. she immediately stopped all conversation, sternly looked me in the eye and said, "that is racism. they are not mexicans, they are called hispanics" and then went on with dinner like nothing had happened.

she was a wonderful woman who was extremely proper and never held her tongue. today when i found out the news, i broke down. one of the very few times i've ever cried at work. i do not know why it hit me so hard with the news seeing as she had just turned 91 and was living in nebraska, but for some reason it did. something triggered in my heart. we were never close but we could always have a laugh.

to my sweet grandma frances, i'm so glad you are home safe and sound now with your husband and family. please make sure to take care of my sweet mia. i knew you would always just love her. oh and tell my grandpa i say hi and miss him terribly.  - you can read her obituary here -

rest in peace my love. you have eternity in your hands now with no suffering, no pain and you will be with your family forever.