Tuesday, April 10, 2012

may i see..

this was not the best of weekends. i had to make a very difficult decision, and even though i know i made the right one, it doesn't mean that changes the pain i'm feeling. i've been struggling to be happy, in all aspects of my life, the past few months. throughout the past month cute guy and i have done a lot of arguing, disagreeing and i had a wake up call. whatever was going on between me and him, i had lost that connection. it broke my heart because i knew what i had to do.

i moved into my own apartment and it's been hard to be back on my own. everything is going to be ok. i'm not worried about that, it still isn't an easy process to go through when you care so much about that person. i just knew i didn't love him like that anymore and needed to be done with it because it wasn't fair to either of us for me to keep trying at something i knew wasn't there.

i'll always love him, just not in the same way i did. he came into my life when i needed him and taught me a lot about myself and love. i was reading back through my posts and i know i loved him. i know i appreciated him. i know i was with him for a reason. i can't stress enough that everything happens for a reason. even if we don't understand why we have to go through it.

it's going to be a rough few weeks getting used to being back on my own and not seeing cute guy every day but i can't stress enough that i made the right decision. i need some me time to figure out what it is that i'm missing from my life that made me so happy before. i know i'll find it, even if it might take me a while.

i printed off my favorite quote and put it next to my desk so that i can always remember it.

"may i see the things in front of me as they are, not as i think them to be.
may i walk the steps ahead of me one at a time, not wondering if there's a map.
may i say the things that fix things, not break them further apart.
may i do what i need to do, not be distracted by what i can't.
may i dream of what i hope for, not of what i fear.
may i love you like i love you, not as any other."
- i wrote this for you


it's something that i am trying to live my life by and i would say that is a pretty good way to live your life. everything is going to be ok. i have to believe that. 

10 comments:

Rebecca Jo said...

Good for you for listening TRULY to your heart & knowing that you're not going to settle... you want deep, connecting love. Nothing wrong with that... & not saying that you didnt love Cute Guy - just not the one for all time. Onto finding that Prince Charming... He's out there! :)

Welcome to the Lovely Life of Leah said...

You're a strong lady, for sure! And now you have a cute puppy to keep you company. You are so brabe. I can't wait to see the next big thing on the horizon for you.

Rhianne said...

Oh love, I'm so sorry to hear about your rough weekend and so sorry that you lost that connection too :( Feeling like you've made the right decision is important though and you'll figure it out don't worry x

Chanse and Janell said...

You are so strong!! hang in there.
XOXO

melifaif said...

Honey...I have great faith that great and fabulous things are just around the corner for you and me both. Hang in there! Keep loving like you do....LOVE YOUR FACE!!!! :) AND I love that quote....stay strong.

Amy said...

I think it is so amazing that you were strong enough to do what you knew needed to happen. I am always the dumpee, because I realize that I can come up with 100 reasons to stay with someone even if I know in my heart that it just isn't right. I truly admire when someone can allow themselves to see clearly and know what the right move is, because it's never easy to do when you have strong feelings for someone. Thinking of you!

StephieJ said...

It takes a strong woman to leave immediately when she has those doubts. Good for you.

Krysten @ Why Girls Are Weird said...

Good for you for recognizing what you need to do and doing it. I think too often we hang onto relationships long after they've run their course because we're scared of the unknown.

I'm sure you're hurting but it'll get better, I promise.

Love you.

kels said...

thinking of you, lady. it's rough, i know. but you're gonna be {and are} so much stronger because of this. xoxo

Chic 'n Cheap Living said...

Hugs to you darling for making an incredibly tough decision. There will be sunshine for you in time!