when i was in high school, i never had a thought in my mind that i had any form of depression. i was a teenager who had a good life. i had a nice car, a good job and fantastic friends. i did things that comes with being a teenager in high school. i went to the games, the dances and the parties. even after graduation, i never felt any part of depression. right out of high school i got an amazing job and moved out of my parents.
sometimes were harder than others, but i always thought that was just life. i was wrong. i do suffer from depression. it may not be as bad as others, but it is severe enough that i am on a high dosage of medication and have prescribed narcotics to help with my anxiety and panic attacks. if it wasn't for my twin, i would never have gotten on the medication i needed. i would have continued to suffer through the roller coaster of my life.
when we got mia, i felt an instant change in my life. things were already going so well because i had an amazing boyfriend, the worlds most amazing best friend and i was getting along with my family for the first time in years. but mia, she was different. she took over my heart in a way that no one could have ever imagined. that little rug rat was my baby. i absolutely adored her.
the day i took her to the vet was by far one of the worst days of my life. i felt hurt, angry, upset, and the depression rose to a higher level that my medication had no control over. right after mia's passing, i had that god awful cyst. the pain level was unbelievable and unbearable. more things kept popping up within a two week period and i wasn't understanding why this was happening to me. i could feel myself getting angry to the world and feeling like life wasn't worth it anymore. i cried all the time, i felt pain that i never had felt before and i was starting to feel completely lost.
the last month has been incredibly rough. anytime i would see a dog it would pull at my heart strings. commercials, pictures, the name mia. it all brought the sadness and pain right back into my life. i even ended up finding myself in a bad situation at work that i normally would never have been in if i had been in the right state of mind. finally, i had enough. sunday was the last straw. i saw a dog that looked just like mia when she would have been full grown. i started looking at pups that night and my twin, the sweetheart that she is, found the litter where we got milo and marley from. even though cute guy was saying no, she knew how much i needed him. she knew i was falling.
within this last month i've learned a few very important things.
god knows what we can and can't handle. we were given shoulders to bare the weight.
i'm absolutely stronger than i thought i was.
i need the responsibility of taking care of something to help better myself and motivate me.
my twin is in my life forever and i know i can always count on her for anything.
i'm more than capable of being able to take care of myself. i do not need a man.
that no matter what life throws at you, something good will be around the corner. even if it is something small.
depression is an awful disease which affects more people than most would think. i'm grateful that i have the support and love to help keep me above water and moving forward. i am a beautiful soul and have a lot to offer the world. i will not give up on life because i get thrown a few bad things. i have a wonderful life and i'm going to cherish every moment of it.
one last little tid bit, i just got out of a meeting/training for work and the topic just happened to be stress management. i loved every minute of it and am so glad my boss chose to talk about that topic. stress is a natural part of our life and it is up to us on how we let it affect us. we are the ones who control our mind. i've been doing this for the past few days and like i said above, i've already noticed a difference. i'm making a change in my life and it is for the better. i'm moving forward and no one is going to stop me. i'm too stubborn and strong willed to let that happen.