Tuesday, January 17, 2012

TTUT - let the whole world know, you belong to me.

it's tuesday, which means that it's time to link up with my lover impulsive addict and the gorgeous seriously shawn for talk to us tuesday. no rules, just talk about whatever you want and link up with either of these fabulous ladies.

there are a few things that i live by. honesty, loyalty and learning from your mistakes. i went through a really bad phase last year. and when i say bad, i mean bad. i was a borderline alcoholic, a whiny mess and couldn't really function properly. emotionally up and down, never completely satisfied with my life. it was bad.

sometimes i reflect on those six months where i went through my really bad phase and trying to pick up the pieces after going through it.

i have always believed everything happens for a reason. people come into your life, even if it's just for a day, because you needed them too. you had something to learn from them or they had something to learn from you. i believe that boyfriend [an ex, not cute guy] showed me that i need to be with someone who is accepting, not controlling. someone who is understanding not judgemental. someone who won't fight with me when i'm extremely emotional and not understanding it. someone who needs me just as much as i need them. someone who wants to be with me, not someone who feels like they have to be.

i have a permanent scar on my thigh as a constant reminder of that dreadful day/night. i have a saying that i want tattooed next to it, or over it. even though it is a big scar, and sometimes i wish i didn't have it, i'm unbelievably grateful i do have it. if it weren't for what happened that night, who knows where my life would be right now. i would probably still be in a terrible relationship that i was pretending was wonderful. you never know and it isn't worth the time to think of the "what if's"

i've made mistakes and learned from them. sometimes i'll even make the same mistake twice because i didn't learn the right lesson the first time. i have a list of things i learned from those six months and the only thing that is really important or even worth sharing is that i'm happy. not because that is what everyone else is telling me, i am genuinely happy. i met my cute guy at the right time, and in the right place. he has helped me grow, become strong and help me be better when i am becoming weak. he listens when i need to vent, holds me when i need support and loves me unconditionally. if it wouldn't have been for boyfriend, i may have never met cute guy or had the opportunity to know him the way i do.

so boyfriend, even though you were a toxin in my life, you were also a blessing. thank you for the good times, and the bad. thank you for showing me what i needed to fix in my life and where i needed to be. without you and i ending, i may have gotten worse. i'm healthy, living life the right way and with the right person.

if you have been through this, you know what i'm talking about. if you are still picking up the pieces, don't worry. that guy is right around the corner. when you're ready for him, he'll be there. just like mine was where i needed him to be when i needed him to be there. with that said, i am going to end this sappy, yet vent sesh post, with a few words to my man.

cute guy, i love you. thank you for all you do. thank you for loving my friends and their kids. thank you for being so amazing with mia and helping me take care of her. thank you for the kisses before you leave for work in the morning and the all day conversations we have. thank you for loving me for who i am. i love you more.

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